Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
12-04-2005, 11:03 AM
|
#1
|
|
Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Antonio, Tx
Gender: Male
Posts: 784
|
Last Visit
Well I tell you, Chaplain,
reason I ain't made my peace with God
is 'cause me an' Him ain't never fell out.
Nah, I ain't ast His forgiveness.
I know you can't bullshit God
like you can the parole board.
An' it don't set right
sayin' I'm sorry,
'cause I ain't.
'Sides I don't b'long in heaven nohow.
No use sneakinin' in where I don't wanna be.
I reckon hell'd be more like home.
But maybe there ain't no heaven or hell.
Could be I jist go where the hole goes
when you eat a doughnut.
Or I might be jist a bad dream
passin' through God's mind.
Glad you stopped by, Chaplain
But you better go now,
cause you gotta git up in the mornin'
an' I don't.
Jimbob
|
|
|
|
12-04-2005, 03:57 PM
|
#2
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,826
|
Loved this poem.
I like the use of dialect. Texas dialect, I think. It makes the flow a bit awkward, plodding, but no big deal, I think it adds to it in someway.
I've read a lot of your stuff and you write a lot of satire.
I'm not sure if this is satire, if it is, I think you did a great job with it because it is ultra subtle, which for me is the best type of satire.
Was very subtle what was happening to him, but there are enough lines that allude to what was happening. He is being executed, is what I think.
|
|
|
|
|
12-04-2005, 05:27 PM
|
#3
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,916
|
Sensitive, intruiging writing. For me, you've created a real breathing character, a complex being I care about but who more than likely fully deserves his fate. Awesome work.
jrmac
|
|
|
|
|
12-04-2005, 09:36 PM
|
#4
|
|
Addict
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 165
|
That’s a good ‘un, JimBob. I liked it right well.
It can git a bit rough tryin’ t’write like we talk, don’t it. Then agin, what a feller does covers more ground than what he says anyways.
Take care, Compadre. <wink>
|
|
|
|
|
12-05-2005, 02:23 AM
|
#5
|
|
Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Antonio, Tx
Gender: Male
Posts: 784
|
Hi ghon,
No, it's not satire, at least not exactly, although I'm going for a certain dark humor in the idea of a man about to be executed being concerned about the chaplain getting enough sleep.
It's sort of a conclusion to a poem of mine called "Family Values" that's somewhere on the back pages by now.
JR
You'e got it. It's always gratifying to see that.
Starik,
Durn tootin' it ain't easy to write Texan, but you don't do too bad yourself.
Jimbob
|
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:55 PM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us: 
|
|
