silverwriter

Deleted. Thanks for the comments.

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murdershewrote2005

I like it but I think you should maaaaaaaybe do less telling...love you lots, chica...







Jess

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"If you live to be one hundred, I want to live to be one hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." ~Winnie the Pooh~

www.literarymary.com

ms. vodka

first stanza.

what place do you speak of? you are leaving your reader in the dark.

second stanza.

stuck implies that it's a bad thing, while timeless beauty implies a good thing.
is that purposeful?

third stanza, again the mention of 'this place'. could you possibly be more specific with your description?

again this place and wonderous peaceful orb, give nothing for your reader to go on.

obviously a very personal poem, but perhaps too personal to be a forum poem?

vodka

silverwriter

Jess - Much love and I'll learn to keep my mouth shut.

Ms. V - Yes, perhaps too personal for a forum poem. Comments much appreciated.

*hugs*

Jaime

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