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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 12-03-2005, 05:03 PM   #1
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Fourteen

Our planet cries a mournful wail
in a dripping downpour escapade
which pours the ocean depths.
Mother moon sleeps in the corner,
caring less about the affairs of mice
or men or angels or anything
that plague the planet earth.

The winds weeps subtly, though not
as quietly, and the acid raindrops
sear from glazed and cloudy eyes.

Arid Earth, I knew you once,
many years in history past.
I recall a certain scent, of dew,
I think, and maybe mist.
I'm sorry now, I really am,
that you are forced to blush again
at every mention of the human race.

I've ridden you, Earth, for light-lapse years
as you spin and twindle through empty space.
I'm acutely aware of your circle trek
around the haughty star of life.

Fourteen times around the sun,
and my perspective still remains
unlucky thirteen plus one.
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Old 12-04-2005, 02:34 AM   #2
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Very well done Achilles.

"haughty star of life"....what an amazingly cool line.
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Old 12-04-2005, 09:55 AM   #3
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Thanks TMMC.
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conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
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Old 12-04-2005, 10:42 AM   #4
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That was beautiful ^.^
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Old 12-04-2005, 04:18 PM   #5
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hmmm, i'm having trouble mixing the fourteen in with all this drama.

then, the tone seems awfully conversational for such a heavy piece.

i do enjoy the ending, but i think this could use some work, achilles.

not quite up to what i expect from you these days.

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