JasCat

Why,
Must you act as if I don't exist,
Unless you have had a drink or two?
When during the day you act like I am an unwanted crumb,
One you just don't want to taste.
The one that can give you at least a moment of heaven.
I want to be your heaven,
but you won't let me.
I'm drowning in this pain,
And you are the only one that can let me out.
But If I keep waiting,
No one will have a chance to see what I have to offer.

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"There were so many things we could have said if time was on our side" -'Missin U' by Brandy n othrz

CopyMaster

So much unrequited love going around. It's sad. Nice poem. I dig the line "I want to be your heaven." It might be a little too wordy. Maybe if you tried and pared it down just a bit. I tend to practice minimalism in poetry. That is, choose the best possible words to describe your action/emotion/whatever. Then use as few of them as possible. Just a suggestion.

Happy writing.

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"When Flaco isn't happy, he only pays in lead"
http://www.smoaw.com

Pawn

Therapy poetry?

Say nothing, suggest everything. Pick your words as you would shoes.

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C.A
Carpe Noctem
superlatenight.com

JasCat

thanks

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"There were so many things we could have said if time was on our side" -'Missin U' by Brandy n othrz