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I would say that your best bet is to try and be a little more metaphorical. Obviously there is a lot of raw emotion here, but to make it a bit more interesting, you could play with some symbolism or analogy. Also, working on the rythm of it to make it flow a bit better would help. As of now, it's a bit of a choppy read.
But in general, wherever there is powerful emotion, the words will follow.
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DELICIOUS
-CFH
Last edited by Penelope : 11-30-2005 at 10:18 AM.
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