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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 11-28-2005, 01:06 PM   #1
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Deleted. Thanks for the comments.
Last edited by silverwriter : 02-07-2007 at 06:00 PM.
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Old 11-28-2005, 02:13 PM   #2
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The repetition of Darkness seems a bit redundant to me...otherwise this is quite well written...and I am officially a big fan of MY Jaime...coughcough...




Love you tons,


Jess
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Old 11-28-2005, 08:03 PM   #3
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One spelling mistake that I noticed is envelopEs.
Other than that I really enjoyed this poem. Keep up the good work and keep experimenting if you're not happy with this
The imagery in this is amazing, and my favourite line has got to be
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwriter
the cold through any warmth
cuts like a seeking blade.
Regards, Shin
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Old 11-28-2005, 08:57 PM   #4
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Jaime, you keep on getting better. I like this one a lot; I think it's my favorite of yours. Didn't you just start writing poetry about a month ago?

Although this is a very nice poem, my only suggestion for you is to explore other genres of poetry, and write other subjects. Maybe that's just because I'm a huge fan of structure.

Keep it up!

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Old 11-29-2005, 01:58 PM   #5
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Jess - Much love always. Redundant 'darkness' removed. Thanks for reading.

Shinyui - 'Envelops' is actually what I was going for - another word for surrounds. Thank you very much for your comments and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Achilles - Always an honor to have you comment. Yeah, it has been a bit over a month now since I tried my hand at poetry. If you have any suggestions on where to point me next, feel free to pm me. Thanks.


*hugs*

Jaime
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