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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
11-23-2005, 11:27 PM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 412
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Desperation
Hands intertwined
thoughts are brought
together by desperation
Lost sight
of what was real,
It kept coming
never ending.
Solid colors blind
the transparent
bodies
and all that is
left is a rainbow
of fabric
surrounding
a jungle
of a bed.
__________________
Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built
--James Allen
Last edited by cliched523 : 11-23-2005 at 11:36 PM.
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11-24-2005, 05:01 AM
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#2
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Best Seller
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Catalunya, Spain
Gender: Female
Posts: 529
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The flow of your poem was soothing. But when I got to the end the word "jungle" through me.
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11-24-2005, 09:46 AM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
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It flows well, good rthyhm, nice pace, then jungle. I dunno why it just seems out of place.
Nice though.
Slayer
__________________
For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.
Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
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11-24-2005, 10:13 AM
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#4
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Nov 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 205
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"all that is
left is a rainbow
of fabric
surrounding
a jungle
of a bed."
a beauty in the jungle of a bed
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11-24-2005, 10:37 PM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 318
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Quote:
Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built
--James Allen
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A smooth verse ,and a good signature.
__________________
I am Bluewhite.
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11-26-2005, 10:52 PM
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#6
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 412
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Thank you.
__________________
Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built
--James Allen
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