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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
11-17-2005, 10:40 PM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Victoria, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 364
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Small No More
I am but short, in a tall man's land.
Things always seem to get out of hand.
Whenever I try to help, I hinder
Burning people, like flame to cinder.
Like a brick in a boat yard, unwelcome
I let out a sigh
With guilt laying dormant,
like a tear in man's eye.
I cannot make it on my own,
a world in which I am condoned.
This is why I sit here weeping,
but my true self is now slowly seeping,
into a world where this I am.
No matter what, I know I can.
Emerge from shadow, pull back the cloak
And be myself,
not hide in smoke.
__________________
 Those who claim to be unique - Are clearly less so than they think
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11-18-2005, 04:07 AM
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#2
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
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Yeah, you show em' Shin! Nice piece, great flow, nice beat, couple of lines were out of pace but thats ok. Keep it up!
Slayer
__________________
For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.
Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
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11-18-2005, 04:50 AM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Victoria, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 364
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*blush* hehe, thanks slayer 
Glad you liked it. By the way, nice post count, "best seller"  
I'm writing heaps lately, just trying to find the right poems to post
I'll read over some of your newer submissions soon
Regards, Shin
__________________
Those who claim to be unique - Are clearly less so than they think
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11-18-2005, 05:01 AM
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#4
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
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Hope to read more of your stuff soon too. Most of my time seems to be taken by the Drift on Inn, and the running storyline we have going there though, so I dunno how many new poems I'll get done.
Ever Present
Slayer
__________________
For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.
Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
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11-18-2005, 07:14 AM
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#5
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,607
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You describe well how I often feel. Nice job.
__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke
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11-18-2005, 06:37 PM
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#6
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Victoria, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 364
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I wrote this based on my opinion and how I felt, so I'm especially glad you could get something out of it too.
I'll keep trying to write some half-decent poetry, although lately I've written alot more Prose/emotional poetry than decent poetry -_-'
Anyway thanks both for your comments
Regards, Shin
__________________
Those who claim to be unique - Are clearly less so than they think
Last edited by Shinyui : 11-18-2005 at 06:40 PM.
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11-18-2005, 08:22 PM
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#7
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Vic, Aus
Gender: Female
Posts: 270
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As Slayer said, the beat to this poem is great. I love the "Like a brick in a boatyard" similie a lot, as it wasn't something I've heard a million times before. Really, really nice work Shin.
Acid
__________________
Acid
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-Good at burning things-
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11-18-2005, 09:26 PM
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#8
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Victoria, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 364
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That's my favourite similie in this poem (perhaps the only one)
But I really liked it, because as you said, it isn't common
And I'm strange and an uncommon type person
(and proud of it)
anyway enough ranting, and thanks so much for your comments everyone
*hugz acidic*
Shin
p.s - Anybody else who reads this, please feel free to leave feedback on this and any other pieces that I've posted here. I love getting feedback, good or bad
__________________
Those who claim to be unique - Are clearly less so than they think
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