slayerofangels

I sit behind locked doors.
To my right, the stereo
falls silent, echoing thoughts
that run riot
within the confines
of my mind.

The blade bows to
its audience of one,
preparing to begin that
everlong, bittersweet waltz
acoss the flesh of my wrist.
I let out a breath.

And small voices in
running arguement hit me
like a train wreck.
I smile, and decide that
whatever dreams I abandon,
my death won't be cliche.

__________________

For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.

Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

acidic_kiss

This is mightly hypocrytical, but I feel a little uncomfortable reading about suicide in this manner, because I'm not sure whether to worry about the writer, or assume that he was just putting himself in the position of someone else, and empathising very realistically...
All that aside, though, a really emotional piece, with some chilling kinda imagery. A really original "dark" piece, on a topic that's been touched many times before, but very rarely with this much grace and style. I also loved the personification of the blade.
Awesome. Truely awesome.

Acid

__________________
Acid
---------
-Good at burning things-

mN.sparroW

This is a strong image that lasts after I read the poem. I think it's quite wonderful, and the strongest line.

slayerofangels

Acid: I was putting myself in the position of another, just to see if I could. Sorry if it worried you.

mN.sparroW: Glad you enjoyed it!

__________________

For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.

Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

eleda

OK SOA, truly dark and emotive. I agree with A-Kiss, that I'm not one that likes to read about suicide -- but you're piece was compelling to the say the least. It's good the way it is, but it can be lightly improved if you consider this:
I sit behind locked doors.
To my right, the stereo
falls silent, echoing thoughts
run riot within
the confines
of my mine.

Tightened and confine have the same meaning - you don't need the redundancy here -- it flows so well without it.

The blade bows to
its audience of one,
preparing to begin that
long, bittersweet waltz
across the flesh of my wrist.
I let out a breath.

Again, everlong -- I don't think it's needed "long" bittersweet says it all.

It's impressive writing -- dark and fatal -- only to consider suicide as an answer to a life filled with despair. You lead me there, with a sense of this person's pain. Look forward to more of your work

slayerofangels

I've made some changes but I think everlong sounds better where it is... Thanks for reading Eleda!

__________________

For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.

Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche