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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
11-14-2005, 04:05 AM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: The Magic Theater
Posts: 469
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Why I Despise Pride and Heineken
del
__________________
Being deep and appearing deep.--- Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity. For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom: the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water. -Nietzsche
Last edited by Harry Haller : 07-05-2007 at 10:35 AM.
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11-14-2005, 04:10 AM
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#2
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Banned
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Italy
Posts: 6,052
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wow, with my current state of mind this was a real mindfuck. great mental images. good job.
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11-14-2005, 04:21 AM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ireland
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,378
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^^ Wow, I was blown away by that one.
__________________
For Sale: One soul. Mint condition, never been used.
Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster. And if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
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11-14-2005, 04:22 AM
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#4
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: The Magic Theater
Posts: 469
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Yeah, but after I posted it I remembered that Heineken is a Dutch beer. It has basically ruined the poem for me. I still like it but now I feel stupid that I wrote an entire poem partly based on a false idea. It is only a little part but it still makes me mad.
Thanks for reading though Rico. I liked it too until then.
Regards,
Skylor
__________________
Being deep and appearing deep.--- Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity. For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom: the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water. -Nietzsche
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11-14-2005, 04:24 AM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: The Magic Theater
Posts: 469
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by slayerofangels
^^ Wow, I was blown away by that one.
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I'm not sure if you are being sarcastic but I thought I had erased it. I guess I will put it back up since the thread is already alive.
Regards,
Skylor
__________________
Being deep and appearing deep.--- Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity. For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom: the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water. -Nietzsche
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11-14-2005, 06:04 PM
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#6
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: australia
Posts: 4,532
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yes just change the beer name, otherwise I too liked the images, though red dew caused a pause , not sure of what you mean with that, the rest is wonderful.
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11-14-2005, 06:18 PM
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#7
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Scribe
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Manchester England
Gender: Male
Posts: 61
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H could you do an old man a favour and explain this poem to me please (this is an honest request by the way I'm not taking the piss) I just can't seem to get a handle on it your comtemporaries seem to think it's very good (it has a hint of young soldier about it ) but I would really like to know (old people hey you can't do anything with them....unfortunately!)
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11-14-2005, 06:18 PM
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#8
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Addict
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: The foothills of the Chilterns, England
Posts: 121
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Why I despise Pride and Beck's maybe?
I tried to look up 'camo' btw and couldn't find anything for it. Then again my dictionary is crap. I need to expand my vocab!
__________________
"The greatest in life lies not through never falling, but rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela
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11-14-2005, 09:07 PM
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#9
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man, i know how you feel about that heineken thing... that's the type of thing that drives me crazy. d'oh!
good rhythm, nice imagery.
i don't like the single word carrying the last line. i don't think it's major enough to carry it.
intriguing, though.
gonna edit that mistake?
vodka
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11-15-2005, 02:01 AM
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#10
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 459
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Without really knowing what you're talking about, I liked the way it sounded in my head as I read it. Like the way the words fit together, it was cool. But what in the world are you talking about... I don't get it at all.
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11-15-2005, 02:04 AM
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#11
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,826
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Yeah, I read this last night, and few more times today. Held off on commenting because I haven't figured out what it means.
The rhythm and imagery, sound, are awesome in this piece, for sure, it's one of the reasons why I've kept reading this. Just sounds cool being read.
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