What Suffers Not? - Writers Forum

eleda · 11-13-2005, 11:10 AM

A critique or advice is much welcome!

What was never born, shall never die,
Shall never suffer ravages of time.
Time ever running, never weary, searches
for what illusions hide.

Seizes upon scattered moments,
in vain attempts to mold: Matter into sinewy, corpuscles,
and blood into bones.

The plagues of death that ride the dreary
entrails left to rot.
Alas, it found another victim
who believed in perishing thought.

Time is neither friend nor foe,
To that eternal flame,
That once was masked by shadow and form
Inevitably we come to know again!

gohn67 · 11-13-2005, 02:46 PM

Hey Eleda,
I think I will leave the critiqueing to others on this piece, the style is not something I'm comfortable with giving advice, so I'll just give my thoughts on what I thought it was about. I usually get the interpretation wrong though.

I liked the line breaks, they worked pretty well for me. Don't know why though, line breaks are kind of a mystery to me.

Well I think the body of the poem is answering the title. So I think I'm looking for something that doesn't suffer.

It seems like something that is never born will not suffer, but I'm not sure as the poem moves away from that in subsequent stanzas.

Quote:

Seizes upon scattered moments,
in vain attempts to mold: Matter into sinewy, corpuscles,
and blood into bones.

I assume this is about time trying to make human life? but being unable to. I'm not really sure how time makes life, but I guess it took billions of years to to create human life.

Quote:

The plagues of death that ride the dreary
entrails left to rot.
Alas, it found another victim
who believed in perishing thought.

I'm unsure about this stanza. Are the plagues of death, like bugs eating a corpse? Or is time the plague of death as because after a while it will decompose.

eternal flame is a metaphor I think.

Quote:

Inevitably we come to know again!

Is this like rebirth?

I didn't quite understand the poem, had a hard to connecting the imagery and deciphering metaphor of the last stanza, but I did enjoy trying to figure it out.

eleda · 11-13-2005, 03:00 PM

Hi Gohn,

First, thanks for taking the time to list your queries, I really appreciate it.

This is an enigmatic poem of sorts. If I told you the answer then you wouldn't want to investigate. But, that which does not suffer is not of time; thus does not succumb to death or change. Time is synonomous to Form: Moments scattered, meaning: fragments of creation through birth (the form) only to fall to death through time. That which doesn't fall is infinite -- the "great mystery".

My husband liked it so I posted it. I have others, but don't want to flood the gates so to speak.

Once again, much obliged for your comments

tanmay · 11-13-2005, 03:15 PM

Hey Eleda,

Nice poem there. Really liked the concept. The poem had a spiritual feel to it which kept me engrossed till the end.

What was never born, shall never die,
Shall never suffer ravages of time.

So true. Those who have taken birth will have to die one day and will have their share of ups and down throughout their life.

Time is neither friend nor foe,
To that eternal flame,
That once was masked by shadow and form
Inevitably we come to know again!

Lovely way to end the poem. Time is not our friend nor our enemy. It's running out and it depends on us on how well we can make use of it.

Keep up the great work!

Regards,
Tanmay.

rmestre · 11-13-2005, 03:22 PM

I also enjoyed the imagery in this poem

eleda · 11-13-2005, 03:27 PM

My heartfelt thanks to Tanmay & RMestre!

rmestre · 11-13-2005, 03:29 PM

You're very welcomed!