Harry Haller

__________________
Being deep and appearing deep.--- Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity. For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom: the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water. -Nietzsche

ms. vodka

i'm having trouble with the first line, but am very much enjoying the layout of the poem itself.

care to shed light when you have some time?

vodka

dannyboy

are the first and last lines connected through the chimes?

I cannot find a way to connect the middle three lines to that first line - is it about history repeating?

Plus 'trotting conquistador' - its an image that makes me laugh but i think that may be that damn Bukowski poem you posted last night - I get this image of a strutting Spanish Knight.... rather like a metallic dog.

I love a ripe jungle uprising.

The layout is good as ms V said.

Just struggling to put it all together.

Harry Haller

edit
I wrote a long explanation but that is too easy so I deleted it. This started as an experiment in form but I chopped and cut and added and then subtracted etc etc.

translation for first line
sometimes a clock is being tuned when it is already correct/perfect but the point being that it is essentially untunable.
I hope that helps some.

There is irony in that a conquistador or a lion would lead an uprising. This is how it has to happen and how it always has/will.

Ms V. - I would answer any specific questions you might have.

dannyboy - I imagined him on the horse but metallic definitely sounds right as far as my image. I don't have the dog in mine though, haha.

oh and what chimes???

Thanks dannyboy and Ms. Vodka for reading and commenting.
Regards,
Skylor

__________________
Being deep and appearing deep.--- Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity. For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom: the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water. -Nietzsche

dannyboy

chimes is midnight, ie day starts again, revolution begins an ew - but it is the same, one tyrant replacing another as it were.

I think the dog thing was just that poem last night and then the word trotting and i had this dog trotting along - only in a full armour....

I think the first line is fine -except hmmm - maybe sometimes is the something that is bothering me. Sometimes might just be too soft a word, of you know what I mean.

Its like there will be attempts made periodically to tune the clock, but more thna sometimes... I don't know, just something that might work more with the whole?

I'll stop there.

Go read some more Bukowski.

Harry Haller

hahaha, I think I agree about sometimes. It was how I began it and it hasn't bothered me enough until you just pointed it out to me. I'll start thinking of an alternative. I noticed it once before but I think I decided to leave it because some times. I can't remember. I don't even know if there is a pleasant alternative for it. I've also thought about heavenly and others in place of perfect but found what I have as the most reasonable so far.

As far as chimes I thought you were saying that I put chimes in the poem and I was confused.

Oh and the lion was supposed to be a metaphor of sorts for a sunrise as well. That is partly why he is maned. I'm not sure if that came through. The conquistador is similar but more representative of the passing time.

Only a tyrant/person craving power can/will lead an revolution being one of the points as well. Thanks again dannyboy.

Regards,
Skylor

__________________
Being deep and appearing deep.--- Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity. For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom: the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water. -Nietzsche