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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-14-2005, 02:18 AM
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#1
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,552
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Does it hurt?
Deleted. Thanks for the comments.
Last edited by silverwriter : 02-07-2007 at 05:46 PM.
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10-14-2005, 01:07 PM
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#2
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this is interesting, silver.
feels very personal.
the first two lines are a little bit confusing to me.
it feels sort of like a letter, but it is potentially very strong.
i wonder if you could re-write it and incorporate your reader a bit more somehow?
vodka
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10-14-2005, 02:16 PM
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#3
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Writing a novel, come back later....
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,827
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Wow. *in awe*
Speaks on a personal level. ....It's befuddling my mind, can't comment right now.
__________________
"A quill won't dip itself."
~Mr. Searle, my English teacher from High School
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10-14-2005, 07:37 PM
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#4
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,552
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Ms. V - Thank you very much. In fact, this is pretty much as personal as it gets. I wrote this right after observing the situation a friend of mine is in and I just kept wondering how he could keep a brave face when it must hurt him so much. Seeing as it was directly for him, I didn't give much thought to the reader, so any suggestions are welcome.
Viqto - *blush* Thank you for stopping by even though I'm sorry to have befuddled you.
__________________
"Just remember, wherever you are, that's what time it is." - eggo
"I write in bed. Afterwards, I offer my laptop a cigarette." - Jolly McJollyson
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10-22-2005, 08:40 PM
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#5
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: wherever I wish it to be
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,487
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wow I liked this alot, kinda describes a similar situation of mine, but its just a good poem too.
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10-23-2005, 02:24 PM
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#6
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,552
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Thamior - Thanks! I'm glad you could find something to identify with in my writing.
__________________
"Just remember, wherever you are, that's what time it is." - eggo
"I write in bed. Afterwards, I offer my laptop a cigarette." - Jolly McJollyson
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02-13-2006, 03:01 PM
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#7
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,549
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*blush*
No, no hurt... nothing that knowing you doesn't heal. I stand in shock & awe occasionally that you could happen to me.
Thank you... for it all.
__________________
*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway) 
*Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
*Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas
*He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know - Abraham Lincoln
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02-13-2006, 03:19 PM
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#8
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Sailing the darkness of the Cosmos with this planet as my vessel
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,470
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This is very good work Jaime. Very impressive.
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02-13-2006, 04:49 PM
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#9
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Wordsmith
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Australia
Gender: Female
Posts: 10,552
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oh my gosh.
*BLUSH*
glad you liked it mark. i didn't think you'd comment and bring it back up.
gosh....
oasis, glad you liked it. sincerely hope you didn't go on that link...
going to go hide now....
__________________
"Just remember, wherever you are, that's what time it is." - eggo
"I write in bed. Afterwards, I offer my laptop a cigarette." - Jolly McJollyson
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