Kathleen O'Williams

Why me, what do you see beneath my skin
Or above, that so lures you in
Why is friendship not enough, and
Why do you grip my heart in hand
What beauty lies that I can’t see
My personality is just me
I don’t try, there is no act
What holds love in and makes it fact
What or who decides the game
Where and when do we place shame
Though shame belongs not to the heart
That is the mind, and its own part
But why oh why, what makes you choose
Makes you risk, a friendship to lose
In the hopes of something more
Open a gate but close a door
Each other we’d known just over a week
Yet already my heart had grown weak
And then to find that yours had too
It took the sky and turned it blue
Blue but with storm clouds coming near
And then my dream that made me fear
Though the dream was not so bad
It cut my heart and made me sad
Oh, of my dreams I do believe
Perhaps in a way that’s held under my sleeve
But I can not explain, I’m forbidden to
So here’s a small clue I’ve given to you
You know me not, my thoughts or dreams
Only how my eyes now gleam
Is this why you’ve harkened unto me
While calling to me your silent plea
Or are you true, will I ever know
Will I discover before you go
Or will I just let you leave?

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Beware of what you do at day, it will sleep with you at night. -Crushed and wiggling.

Farror

I think it would be better if you took two things that are part of a house, rather than a gate (part of a fence) and a door. Perhaps something like "Open a window, while closing a door"?

Bad syntax here. Why not simply "We'd know each other just over a week"? Simpler and smooth.

This line is not one of my favourites. Turned the sky blue? The sky being blue has never really been an indication of real happiness to me. I suppose this is mostly a matter of opinion.

The line makes the rythm sound strange. How would a comma after Blue sound, and cutting out "but"?

Sad is such a simple word. Come on, lets hear some eloquent vocabulary!

I don't like this line much. "know me not" is the part that bothers me.

With a bit of work, you could improve this a lot.

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A minifridge... The doll house of the alcoholic.

cliched523

I liked your poem and don't have any comments on it at this particular time, maybe later.

But I liked the line, "You know me not, my thoughts or dreams." I liked it because I tell this guy this all the time but he doesn't get it.

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Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built
--James Allen

Kathleen O'Williams

yes, cliched, that is why I wrote this poem, an unsaid person doesn't really know me but they like me, this is my way of trying to tell them they don't know me. I hope that they understand it as you seem to. Thanks Farror, your attention to detail is ever usefull. However, I don't know that I'll change the gate/door part because when you leave a house you shut the door and then go out the gate; it's like you're leaving your safe haven and the space between the gate and door is limbo, not quite out there, but not at home. I hope that makes sense to you.

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Beware of what you do at day, it will sleep with you at night. -Crushed and wiggling.