Death_and_her_Cat

Unwilling

No wish to hurt or harm
No joy at anothers suffering
No peace until hearts are well
Unwilling to let go of a soul.

Not hurt one, but hurt another
Hurt made greater by caring
They care and yet they lied
Unwilling to lose a love.

Secrets, promises and deceit
Origins kind but result betrayal
Caring tears at heartfelt apology
Unwilling to remain unforgiven.

Forgive and allow a chance
Then dissapoint another friend
Understand now, mistakes happen
Unwilling to allow the pain to thrive.

Forgive, not forget, but learn
Forgive, not forget, but live.


~ This was a slightly more unusual for me, It is written in the mind of a character who has a speach difficulty due to a trauma in her past. This poem depicts an incident that happened during my roleplay that I felt had a bitter resemblance to events that happened in real life, so I wrote about it, in her voice. So this one is for my character Sireen. ~

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Her feelings she hides, her dreams she can't find,
She's losing her mind, she's falling behind,
She can't find her place, she's losing her faith,
She's falling from grace, she's lost inside.
~ Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home ~

JustifiedResponse

I think it is great to give background, but I think in poetry one should let the words speak for themself. That is the greatest thing about this form of expression, the reader interprets however he or she feels it should be interpreted.

If you want to explain I would hold off until a few people respond, that way you can truly know what emotions and feelings the piece invokes in the reader. The greatest words are those that speak for themselves.

I think the thing that got me hung up was the second verse when I read it, this is what I saw: hurt, hurt, hurt, caring, care... the redundancy keeps the reader from concentrating on the meaning.

I really liked the closing, something that might make it stronger is a semi colon or a hyphen after the forget in both sentences. It would break up the monotony of the comma. Just a suggestion.

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"It is certain that there is nothing in the idea of a pre-existent state that excites our longing like the prospect of a posthumous existence." William Hazlitt