Unclaimed - Writers Forum

Poe-et · 09-08-2005, 09:03 PM

this is my fate
the death of my destiny
this is something to hate
but its my chance to live
falling
no longer free
failing
you are lost to me
For
my fate is broken

beneath your iron ambition
my hope
strangled
when I’m measured by you
but I can’t seem to hate you
or stop loving you
and what you’ve done to me
So
take your plunder
captive to embrace
don’t leave me
captured but unclaimed

103_smalls · 09-08-2005, 09:18 PM

Dear God, poe-et! EFFING AWESOME! You conveyed an emotion that I am feeling exactly PERFECTLY! And it's pretty sweet too, 'cause With a gui-tar in the background... this would make a nice song.

Anyway, thanks for sharing this poem, one which I can relate to to the tee, and one which I am glad to have the privilage to read!

Poe-et · 09-08-2005, 10:45 PM

Thanks Smalls, Glad you like it. Thanx for the comment.

mammamaia · 09-09-2005, 10:57 AM

a major inconsistency puzzles me... fate IS destiny, so your first 2 lines contradict each other:

Quote:

This is my fate
The death of my destiny

and how can fate be broken?... if it's fate, it simply IS... and even changes are still 'fate'...

this makes no sense to me, either:

Quote:

Take your plunder
Captive to embrace

but the final lines are quite good:

Quote:

Don’t leave me
Captured but unclaimed

it's a dilemma many who love find themselves trapped in... a bit more clarity in other parts of this piece would improve it immeasurably, imo... dropping the capitals beginning every line would also help...

love and hugs, maia

Poe-et · 09-09-2005, 08:13 PM

Fate and destiny are NOT the same thing. Destiny opposes Fate. Beleif in Destiny is beleif that you are in control of your future. Fate is beleif you have no choice in your future. The Poem is saying "I feel like I no longer have a choice" Understanzy?

"Take your plunder captive to embrace" is the whole idea of the poem. its about someone falling in love with someone they admire, their herpoe. Their hero has conquered them in two ways- surpassing them in accomplishments (thus how they became a hero) and conquering the admirer's heart. When you conquer, you take plunder. in this case, the conquerer doesn't know that he/she has conquered, so the admirer says you've conquered me. I am the plunder. "Take your plunder captive to embrace" Instead of being a single metaphor, it adresses all the levels of the metaphor: Plunder, Capture, Lover. Understanzy?
I'll change the caps, thanx for the comment.

mammamaia · 09-09-2005, 08:33 PM

fate

n 1: an event (or a course of events) that will inevitably happen in the future [syn: destiny] 2: the ultimate agency that predetermines the course of events (often personified as a woman); "we are helpless in the face of Destiny" [syn: Destiny, Fate] 3: your overall circumstances or condition in life (including everything that happens to you); "whatever my fortune may be"; "deserved a better fate"; "has a happy lot"; "the luck of the Irish"; "a victim of circumstances"; "success that was her portion" [syn: fortune, destiny, luck, lot, circumstances, portion] v : decree or designate beforehand; "She was destined to become a great pianist" [syn: destine, doom, designate]

des·ti·ny ( P ) Pronunciation Key (dst-n)
n. pl. des·ti·nies
The inevitable or necessary fate to which a particular person or thing is destined; one's lot.
A predetermined course of events considered as something beyond human power or control: “Marriage and hanging go by destiny” (Robert Burton).
The power or agency thought to predetermine events: Destiny brought them together.

n 1: an event (or a course of events) that will inevitably happen in the future [syn: fate] 2: the ultimate agency that predetermines the course of events (often personified as a woman); "we are helpless in the face of Destiny" [syn: Destiny, Fate] 3: your overall circumstances or condition in life (including everything that happens to you); "whatever my fortune may be"; "deserved a better fate"; "has a happy lot"; "the luck of the Irish"; "a victim of circumstances"; "success that was her portion" [syn: fortune, fate, luck, lot, circumstances, portion]

in re:

Quote:

"Take your plunder captive to embrace" is the whole idea of the poem. its about someone falling in love with someone they admire, their herpoe. Their hero has conquered them in two ways- surpassing them in accomplishments (thus how they became a hero) and conquering the admirer's heart. When you conquer, you take plunder. in this case, the conquerer doesn't know that he/she has conquered, so the admirer says you've conquered me. I am the plunder. "Take your plunder captive to embrace" Instead of being a single metaphor, it adresses all the levels of the metaphor: Plunder, Capture, Lover. Understanzy?
I'll change the caps, thanx for the comment.

...it's the word order/sentence structure that's odd/off, but i guess i'll have to grant you poetic license!

Poe-et · 09-09-2005, 08:51 PM

Dictionary.com almost word for word, but if you scroll down, you'll see that

Destiny: from Latin dstinre, to determine. See st- in Indo-European Roots.]

-I like to say i determine my destiny. Where as

Fate: from Latin ftum, prophecy, doom

the Admirer felt DOOMED to his fate, unable to DETERMINE his destiny.

103_smalls · 09-10-2005, 12:10 AM

I foudn it a contradictory statement too... but I found that it added to the poem when I analyzed it... maybe I'm just weird.