FootballStar20

You kill,
You thrill,
All with Jesus,
Hanging around your neck.

You lie.
You steal.
Call yourself a Christian,
While sinning your life away.

You bitch,
You fight.
Throw caution to the wind,
Run at break neck speed,
To your damned end,
All with Jesus,
Hanging around your neck.


This was inspired by Vertigo written by Bono.

EDIT: Took a few things out cause they didn't work.

Nox

I like that idea.. It really shows how hypocritical people can be.. Like I should talk though, I have a silver cross hanging from my neck too (I keep my tucked in though).. "Throw caution to the wind" was my favorite line.. I don't know, you can't really say anything bad about a free form poem..

BookLover

I liked it a lot FootballStar. As Nox pointed out, it clearly shows people's hypocrisy. Loved it.

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BookLover

Just wanted to add:

I initially didnt understand what you actually meant by Jesus hanging around your neck. After reading Nox's comments, I realised! Thanks Nox.

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Ben

Nice poem, FootballStar.

I like the first two word lines you had at the beginning of the stanzas.

A couple of suggestions...

The second stanza..

I think it would be better if you removed 'You' and 'All' from those two lines. I think it would read better as:

You lie.
You steal.
Call yourself a Christian,
While sinning your life away.

Also, in the last stanza..

The rest of the first two lines began with a you, so I think that the 'and fight' should be changed to 'you fight'

Overall it was pretty good

--Besh

Psycho6058

Good observation and seen a lot.

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mammamaia

too sadly true!... same goes for stars of david or any other religious apparatus people festoon themselves with, while behaving in ways that would make their supposed role models weep, did they actually exist...

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FootballStar20

Thank you for the compliments guys and I did change those things Besh because they worked better your way.

white~water

very true comment - also just by hanging a ''jesus around your neck'' does not necessarily absolve some one of the sins.
Good ideas for change Besh

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