The Evincar

Here's one of my many love/angst poems...Short, sweet, perhaps a bit too simple, a crush was my inspiration.


Patience
Oh how beautiful you are, your skin white as alabaster.
Yet as soft as silk.
Oh your beauty is a bastard!
Born to grace and it’s ilk.
Oh hollow avatar of my love and lust
Without your beauty, you would fall to dust
Do remember love, age is not just.
Think of me when you are alone and cold.
Of my patient love, and the soul you sold.

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"Civilization will not achieve perfection until the last stone from the last church falls on the last priest."- Emile Zola

"Universal truth is not measured in mass appeal"- Immortal Technique

"They demonize welfare;
Middle class eliminated, rich get richer
Until the poor get educated"- Sage Francis

"Ah, quelle plaisanterie... L'Enfer, c'est les Autres."- Jean-Paul Sartre

ms. vodka

sad, this is... and bitter.

you seems to be straddling this line of metered poetry verses free verse. i don't know how long you've been writing for... that would probably help me shape this comment a bit better...

i think i'm just going to have to read more of your work.

vodka

Penelope

As one who's been doing some research on free verse I'm providing a link that defines what it is. Free verse can contain meter and rhyme.
http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilre...freeverse.html

As to your poem - it had a sort of rap feel at times and I liked it. I think it's of better quality than the other one you just posted.

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"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight

ms. vodka

from what i've learned lately, and i have actually been doing some research on this myself, most free verse concentrates on rhythm rather than meter.

metrical structure sort of takes the "free" out of the equation.

vodka

Achilles

If you allow me to borrow your word ... I'll describe this poem as hollow. Emotions of course, not quality. I did, in fact enjoy it a great deal. May I suggest breaking the first line into two lines? I think it would read better and be more pleasant to the eye. Nicely done.

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The Palace Flophouse

When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.

Sparx

Pretty good poem and it is very bitter. Although i fount some of the imagery to be a little bland.

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"KNIVES AND RHYMES"

Haruka

I get what you're trying to say but I'm not feeling it, you're not showing it to me enough.

I'm not a fan of angst, especially love/angst but I liked it, it's bittersweet, just the way I like 'em.

Keep writing.

Jya~

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"What do you think this is!?!?! NARUTO!?!?!"
"No. Inuyasha"