Viqto

edited out

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"A quill won't dip itself."

~Mr. Searle, my English teacher from High School

Evanescence

I think I've known a few vultures in my time. Nice one, the end mentioning the blood being black not red was very graphic, a good way to end any poem.

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"Hubert Cumberdale, you taste like soot and poo."

"Ooooh, that was a treat for the fingers."

"Do you not like my mouth words?"

"rusty kettle...(scratch scratch)... ooooaaaahhhh"

Viqto

This poem was actually about my best friend. I can't recall what made me write it now, but whatever, at least I remembered what it was about!

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"A quill won't dip itself."

~Mr. Searle, my English teacher from High School

NoWorries

Nice poem! Excellent pacing, and the rhymes are all interesting and innovative.

I like the premise that being a vulture seems nice enough, until you start to rely on the system, which will finally ruin your life and kill you!

Harry Haller

I think the first two lines and the last two lines are very good. I would recommend shortening the poem. Maybe keep the first and last stanzas then try to make a second stanza to fill in how the vulture died. I find much of the middle of the poem to be of little value to me. I like the simple tone of it and think that it should be that way all the way around. I don't think that it should be more than four stanzas. It could be very good as a shorter poem. It shines at the beginning and at the end.