Two-faced - Writers Forum

Rico · 08-22-2005, 12:11 AM

A million words
a thousand lies
countless smiles (boundless love)
and some tears (a little hate).

Burning bridges
killing me
slowly.
Building up
my wall
of hate.

Six months they say
till I'm in my grave.
Twelve months from now
who'll give a damn.

To hell with that.
I'm the son
of my father and I'll
stay that man
until I die.

"The road to hell is
paved with good intentions",
many of which I have found
and lost, and destroyed.

But each day closes, one day less
to wake up, to smile,
to live.

Unpretty Girl · 08-22-2005, 12:25 AM

Hurt is what I want to say the emotion is. It's beautiful. I love it Rico.
~Unpretty

Rico · 08-22-2005, 12:37 AM

hurt to others perhaps. more of me being a larger-than-usual jerk.

thanks for stopping by and commenting

Sparx · 08-22-2005, 08:40 AM

A very good poem. I really loved the last stanza though, very powerful. My only little complaint would be this stanza:

"To hell with that.
I'm the son
of my father and I'll
stay that man
until I die."

Maybe i'm not just thinking enough but what do you mean by "I'll
stay that man" . I don't really understand this and it was the only line i felt as though didn't click with me.

Overall, a very good poem.

Rico · 08-22-2005, 09:21 AM

Thanks Sparx

What I mean by that is, at this point in my life, I'm not going to change for anyone. I like who I am and that's who I plan on remaining.

Like i said, thanks for stopping by and commenting.

08-22-2005, 01:23 PM

Burning bridges,
I'll love you
regardless.
Tearing down
your wall
of hate.

Six months they say
till you're in your grave.
Twelve months from now
I'll still be aching.

To hell with that.
You're my friend,
my confidante and
I'll adore you
until you die.

"The road to hell is
paved with good intentions",
many of which you have found
and lost, and some now infinate.

But each day closes, one day less
that you will make me smile,
and laugh and remind me
how much I have to live for.

Darling, there is no way you will ever be forgotten.

My love, relentless.

Your,
Jen

Rico · 08-22-2005, 03:19 PM

Hell, Jen, just go ahead and make me tear up at work.

You know that your version is better than mine.

all my love
Rico

LastClick · 08-22-2005, 03:30 PM

It's very pretty, Rico. Your work is amazing.

Rico · 08-22-2005, 05:29 PM

thank you, lastclick for reading and commenting

103_smalls · 08-22-2005, 08:42 PM

geez, yell at jen for makig you tear up... I'm yelling at you now for making ME tear up. Very good piece Rico, I love it, and I LOOOVE U! lol.

chaos · 08-22-2005, 09:23 PM

It expresses the emotion well but it's a bit linkin-park-lyric-ish. it says 'i'm hurt and angry' very strongly but not that originally, you know? i always advise people to use concrete examples- anger you can feel and taste and see as well as just describe.

Rico · 08-22-2005, 10:50 PM

smallsy, thank you darling...and...erm..."I LOOOVE U"??? come on, I think you're just a little young for me

chaos, it was an angry mood when i wrote this, not representative of my typical state of mind. thanks though for your comments.

bobbiego · 08-24-2005, 08:41 AM

I would be damn angry too. Write it, shout it, and let it flow. Somethings deserve anger...this is very much one of those things.

Good Poem, and my best to you.

Bobbie

Rico · 08-24-2005, 01:43 PM

thank you bobbie. as to whether it truly deserved my anger, is debatable, but regardless, it has, as all things, passed.

nae411 · 08-24-2005, 01:49 PM

Angry, yes, but you still managed to keep wonderful rhythm and flow. I still think placing your anger in writing is the best way. Excellent job Rico.

Nae