One Of Those Nights - Writers Forum

**Penelope** · 08-21-2005, 09:43 PM

Absurd notions for the birds.
Awkward silence at your words.
You think you know why I said yes.
Silver tongued, is what you’d guess.

With acrid smack of cigar tips,
sour kisses dealt by drooling lips.
You think you know why I said yes.
You’re sure I tasted sweet success.

Rough and ready calloused hands,
singe like fumbled firebrands.
You think you know why I said yes.
You’re sure I swooned at your caress.

Against my flesh, your body pressed
while, clumsily, I was undressed.
You think you know why I said yes.
You’re sure I wasn’t under duress.

As you sleep, you’re passion quenched,
my conscience sidles to entrenched.
You think you know why I said yes.
You’re sure, my body, you did bless.

By early light, you rise and leave,
I’m not about to tug your sleeve.
You think you know why I said yes.
You’re sure, because I don’t confess.

Now, silence is what I get from you.
That’s all I want to offer too.
You think you know why I said yes?
You’re nothing more and nothing less.

PFA
*edited*
21/08/05

VictorManuel · 08-21-2005, 09:52 PM

Excellent display of style.

**Penelope** · 08-21-2005, 10:10 PM

Thank you Victor - this poem has been revised several times since first written and posted in 2003. I think I may have all the kinks worked out of it now. Not sure but hopeful.

Unpretty Girl · 08-22-2005, 12:41 AM

It's sweet, in a way. Nice job Pen! I think that the kinks are worked out just fine.
~Unpretty

Farror · 08-22-2005, 08:06 AM

Very nice Pen. I often find your poems sound strange to me, or rather, they sound like the rythm is off. In this case, I found it to be terrific.

One problem I had: "sour kisses dealt by drooling lips"

This is the only line where I stumbled a bit while reading. A kink or just my mistake?

Sparx · 08-22-2005, 08:32 AM

I love it Penelope. I can tell you have revised this poem quite a bit because it feels so complete. The overall craft of this poem is really good and suits the poem's message. Another nice piece of poetry.

**Penelope** · 08-22-2005, 08:37 AM

Unpretty - you are right - it is sweet in a way, getting over unpleasant things is always sweet.
Farror - I understand your problems because I have the same sort of problems with yours. The exception was the fabulous sonnet you wrote that I totally raved about. Now, we're almost even.

Sparx - Thank you! I just couldn't let this one lie as it was because it kept on rankling me. A few word changes and it was brought into where I wanted it.