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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 08-21-2005, 06:02 PM   #1
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gordon
I,m OK...

The door slams a piece of me remains
Frustration tantrum stamped in a sound

Now I’m lost childlike looking back
Bravado ensues for the moment
Testosterone overload rush
Fuck her bitch what does she know?

I, M OK

Realization of a situation dawns oh so slowly
Then it’s no way, not me why can’t she see?
It can’t be me.
That’s the moment we see.

I’m OK.

Should we surrender?
Can we even remember?
All we know we were right
Carry on the fight

I’m OK.

Solitude in various bars with various stars
Of the fight bring on the real fright
Cell phone rings hope delivered
As your body shivers

You OK Honey

I’m sorry I’m OK.

I’m on my way.
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Old 08-21-2005, 06:19 PM   #2
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Unpretty Girl
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It sounded a little bit repedative with all of the Ok's. It definately didn't do anything for me, but good work!
~Unpretty
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Old 08-21-2005, 07:02 PM   #3
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The repetition was the hallmark of THE whole poem
Realisation diminished by every ok ?
Though I doubt that got through OK?
G
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Old 08-22-2005, 02:05 PM   #4
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nicely done.

delicous illustration of anger, frustration, pain, hurt and the subsequent hope and redemption that comes with the call and the words, "You okay?"

god, i'm emotional today.

vodka
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Old 08-23-2005, 04:02 AM   #5
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Oh Gordon...this really struck a nerve with me. what a delicious slice of married life this was. A scene repeated (if you're lucky) thousands of times during a solid relationship. I say lucky because of the melt down at the end on both parts.

She for making the call...and you for accepting her overture. Without those two factors, couples have gone their seperate ways, being too stubborn to give in. This is what makes a good marriage or relationship...knowing it will be repeated time and time again...and knowing the boundries. (Besides...making up is the best part of the deal!)

Excellent Gordon...a really indepth view of the human condition.

Bea
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