Psycho6058

The frothy
wind-whipped waves
embrace
the Sun baked sand

briefly

refreshingly

then scurry back to sea

as seasons come and go
buildings crumble
roads decay

but

wind-whipped waves
still embrace the shore

__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

103_smalls

excellent, Psycho. This may just be the refreshing, imagery filled poem that I needed to read for my own inspiration!

My only suggestion.... take this for a grain of salt, I've had 6 hours of sleep, just woke up, and may very well be drunk of sleepiness, you may want to add "and" before "roads decay"... I think it might flow a little better that way.

Anyway... once again, Psycho, thank you for sharing! I shall come back and read this again later when I'm ready to sit down and write!

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GOD HELP ME!

IT'S THE SOUND THAT MAKES ME PUNCH INFANTS! (but not ms. vodka's)

bobbiego

Psy,

Firstly I want to thank you for being so welcoming to me, secondly, I want to tell you I think this poem is near perfection.

Bobbie

Psycho6058

smalls, thank you very much, I had considered "and" (in fact it was in my first draft) but I really hate using "and" so I try to avoid it if at all possible.

Bobbie, thank you, also for your nice remarks.

__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

nae411

Wayne I am with you. I think extra "ands" clutter a piece. I must say the thing I love most about this piece is the short stanzas. It says so much and has so much imagery without over used words. Beautiful!

Nae ;0)

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Psycho6058

Thank you Tink, I'm glad you liked it.

__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

mswietek

Wayne,

Another good one. I like how you've employed sound through careful word choice. It really enhances the poem, especially if you read it out loud.


The frothy // I think you can drop the "The"
wind-whipped waves // I really like how this sounds when this is read aloud.
embrace
the Sun baked sand // I like how this sonds as well.

briefly

refreshingly // I prefer refreshingly to briefly. Briefly is implied by "scurry back" later in the poem. And I like "sh" sound in refreshingly. Read aloud I can hear the sea hitting the shore in the sound of the word. "Briefly" doesn't do the same.

then scurry back to sea

as seasons come and go
buildings crumble
roads decay
// Instead of three separate images how about a single stronger image? A peer that has gone to decay? Perhaps an abandoned boardwalk?

but // I like this on its own line as it provides a nice pause. Almost like the pause between waves coming in.

wind-whipped waves
still embrace the shore


Thanks,

Michael

__________________
"Don't imagine that the art of poetry is any simpler than the art of music, or that you can please the expert before you have spent at least as much effort on the art of verse as an average piano teacher spends on the art of music." - Ezra Pound

Psycho6058

Michael, thanks for the remarks. I'm glad you picked up on the "aural" aspects of this poem. I agree with much of what you said. The problem with your suggestion re: (// Instead of three separate images how about a single stronger image? A peer that has gone to decay? Perhaps an abandoned boardwalk?) is that I was trying to use a minimum of words in this piece and simple "building" and "road" helped me do that.

__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke