Writers Forum - WritingForums.com Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Poetry
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-18-2005, 06:34 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 18
littlelostboy
The Warring Earth

The Warring Earth


Horsmen invaded the world,
The white, red, black and pale.
Time stood still and blood diffused
Throughout the dying world.

It happened with great violence
And it spared nobody.
Gaea weeped and groaned with great pain
Of the suffering she had

To bear for Man. With a shudder,
She let out her last sigh
And was no more. Man still
Tore at her flesh and bones

And when the vitals of Gaea
Vanished, humans turned onto
Their own kind and tred to raid
Each other homes.

They tried to ipose each own
Ideas onto others.
They resorted to violence
To threten those who did
Not abide to their laws.

When earth was a common land,
It became sliced into
Possessions. Gold and iron
Were mined, those dark metals.

Our time is coming to end,
umans are at the verge
Of the Abyss. But Abyss
Is with us, around us,
In us.

Civilizations tried to
Predict the coming of
The end, Armageddon.
But the end is really here.

Norsemen told tales of
The great end,
Ragnarok, the twilight of the gods.

One that will see the heavens
Burn.
One that will see the vast lands
Sinking.

Ragnarok is here.
__________________
Cogito, ergo sum.
littlelostboy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2005, 06:45 AM   #2
Ink Slinger
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,607
Psycho6058
Little, I have a soft spot for anything "mythological" this is a nice piece, but needs some editing, you might want to use "spell check'....Let's see where do I start:
1)Don't know why "man" is capitalized in 3rd stanza
2)4th stanza "tred" should be "tried"
3)4th stanza "other" should be "others"
4)5th stanza "ipose" should be "impose" and you might consider replacing "each" with "their" also "threten" is "threaten"
5)7th stanza "umans" should be "humans"

I might have missed something but you get the gist, re-read and proof read before submitting, it helps. Don't be discouraged, this is a good piece and an interesting story. Welcome to the forum.
__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke
Psycho6058 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2005, 08:26 AM   #3
Prolific Writer
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 197
bobbiego
Little,

I think you are not the only one wondering about end times. It is a good poem, with a bit of tightening up and simple changes it could be very good. The subject matter is great, timely, and very real. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Bobbie
bobbiego is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-18-2005, 08:39 AM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 18
littlelostboy
Thanks a lot for the advice! Sorry about the spelling though, I should have been more careful when I proof-read my work.
__________________
Cogito, ergo sum.
littlelostboy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:09 PM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password



Newsletter

Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
Email:


Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers