Stuffed - Writers Forum

Burnz · 08-17-2005, 11:38 PM

Stuffed

She bends over my plate
wickedly waving her spoon.
eat hardy you fortunate lad,
for dessert is coming up soon!

Ponderously sloshing
with meat and drink,
my stomach stretches grotesquely
it’s even hard to think.

Sweat runs freely in deep
gullies between my chins
I remember food racing as a child,
but pity for him that wins.

Cackling and flatulating
tossing about pans
she sneers at me saying,
hold out your hands!

I hold them out palms
facing the ground,
no child, she says;
turn them around!

I grimace as I turn my
hands palms to the sky
she hisses through her teeth
saying the big moment is nigh.

I just have to check the oven
For these last few parts,
She said, surrounded by fire
Fueled by her farts.

She turned to face me
A huge knife gleaming in her fist
This is it boy, we’re nearly through
I think you ate everything on the list.

You should be full until morning
Then we’ll have bacon and eggs
She was happy, her job was done
Grandma stuffed me til I couldn’t feel my legs!

Pardot Kynes · 08-17-2005, 11:50 PM

Ponderous and sloshing
with meat and drink,
my stomach stretches grotesquely
it’s even hard to think.

^This could stand to be smoother.

And the last line of it doesnt quite mesh.

But, overall, I liked it.

103_smalls · 08-17-2005, 11:57 PM

ok.. feel special 'casue it takes a lot of good imagery for me to say this... this was disgusting.. lol. It was good.. grose.. and funny... all the ingredients to a great poem!

Burnz · 08-17-2005, 11:58 PM

Pardot

Yes there is a little hitch in the giddyup there. Any of you rhyme masters have a suggestion for me? I am new to the structured poems. Thanks for commenting

Burnz · 08-18-2005, 12:02 AM

Smalls,

Thanks for commenting and yes it was gross. LOL. I must have replied to pardot the same instant you replied. I didn't forget you though. Ever eat so much it felt like your whole stomach would just burst like a balloon? YUCK. Thanks for stopping by

Taz · 08-18-2005, 05:54 AM

Good on you for writing a good peice of poetry i liked it imensely

nae411 · 08-18-2005, 01:15 PM

Michael, this piece made me feel stuffed, lol.
Truth be told I actually could relate to this poem. As a child I could not leave the table till I ate EVERYTHING on my plate. I remember hiding food in napkins and throwing extra meat out the sliding glass door to my dog "Soosie". Anything was better than having to sit there for hours. My mom always said "you know how many kids are starving?" my answer was obvious "Oh mom please give them mine!". Funny piece.

Nae ;0)

Burnz · 08-18-2005, 03:28 PM

Taz-Thank your for stopping by and commenting

Nae-I feel this way on each and every Thanksgiving. Gluttony is my favorite of the seven deadly sins. LOL. My mom would pull that starving kid act on me too, I would ask her politely if we couldn't just go ahead and box up that broccoli and send it to them along with that slab of meatloaf. Thanks for stopping by!

**Penelope** · 08-18-2005, 03:47 PM

My dad dished out the meals - carved the meat too. I've never had a proper stuffing at Grandma's. This poem made me remember liver ... ewwww.

Burnz · 08-18-2005, 07:36 PM

Pen,

Thanks for stopping and commenting. What is wrong with liver? I was raised on that bovine delicacy. Liver 'n onions were the staple of this country boy's life. LOL. Grandma is long gone now, but man could she put a spread on! Later