gordon

Softly this zephyr breeze brings me down to the shore
A million shells crushed to give me this carpet of gold
That shifts in ever changing luminescent currents
Harsh cries intrude as the black gull complains at my intrusion
Yet where I stand creation meets the land to wash over me
White horse riders on the edge of the surf rush to greet me
Then fall at the last hurdle to fade into the sand their race is done
Ozone bright with saline tang snaps at my senses then fades to the wind
Sculpted to perfection by so many turns on a watery lathe I stare at the driftwood
Basalt and granite polished by endless devotion lovingly caressed to erosion
I stand by an abandoned sea left in a pool orphaned creatures stare back waiting
For their mother to come as she will when the tide turns
On the horizon clouds come to meet their maker as hazy sunlight breaks through
I stand on the edge looking at creation

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One thing in life is certain you wont get out alive

Saturnal

This is a solid piece to me. It's very Patti Smith as far as the abstract quality and symbolism goes. I interpret it as a failed conception, but perhaps failed on purpose. I'll probably read it again to see what else I can take from it.

The only thing I can critique is the "meet their maker" phrase, which, to me, is a cliche. Other than that, it felt very original and complete.

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him from the city,
so him gotta be witty

ms. vodka

this is very beautiful...

i am curious to know, why don't you ever write with punctuation?

gordon

Vodka punctuation is difficult for me I tend to write a poem in about 5 mins start to finish regardless of length I write as it comes into my mind and rarley change what is on the page when I finish hence no punctuation.
Its only dots and dashes at the end of the day if it reads and works thats enough for me
G

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One thing in life is certain you wont get out alive

gordon

Saturnal I think you are right here I ,ll have to change that line
Gigi I like the zephyr breeze line and will leave it in thanks for the comment
G

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One thing in life is certain you wont get out alive

ms. vodka

huh. interesting.

i'll be pondering this for a while.