Blue Eyes - Writers Forum

Jehuty · 08-17-2005, 05:16 PM

Blue Eyes
Stare and get caught into the motion of a soul
Drop into the pool of imaginary water
Swim and bathe in the psyche that you extol
Head for a spark now go a little harder

Blue Eyes
It will flicker a path of light for you
With at the end of it a hole to climb through
This mysterious new sight will change your role
Look at and embrace this complex keyhole

Blue Eyes
A keyhole that generates a thousand questions
But there can only be one answer
Unlocking it reveals the warmth of a million suns
That your soul reflects the same is what you must prove her

Blue Eyes
You walk away with sadness and regret
But the importance of chasing your dreams is something you may not forget
Express yourself at the best you can be
Then finally realise that you are the key

~Jehuty.

You might think that this is not a good poem, but yeah...I write these for myself, and I'm just posting them to see what you guys think...

I personally love the last stanza.

And let me explain a bit...it's sort of getting lost into someones deep eyes...into her soul...the keyhole, unlocking her love...and you are the key.

Hard to explain...but it's clear in my own mind.

dannyboy · 08-17-2005, 08:32 PM

sorry Jehuty but though I 'got' what the poem was about it did very little for me. Whose blue eyes? What is the relationship to N? You are telling me the eyes/soul thingy. I'd prefer it if you showed me.

Jehuty · 08-18-2005, 05:27 AM

Well, it's not really about someone...so yeah

Tunkpirate · 08-18-2005, 05:34 AM

Jehuty, The only thing I can add is that some of the ryming seemed a little forced. It took away from the overall flow only because I was stumbling through some of the rymes. I love the setup, starting every line with "Blue Eyes" but maybe a little tune up could make this poem run smoother

Jehuty · 08-18-2005, 05:56 AM

Yeah, I agree on that...thanks for the advice.