Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
08-16-2005, 10:45 AM
|
#1
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 197
|
What Guilt with correction
What Guilt
Let us feel repentance,
let us grieve,
let the scent of
white plum blossoms
fill our nostrils
one more time.
Let us feel the hard times
and punctuate them with
random sneezes.
Let our selfish cells congregate,
taste the bitter fruit,
and lead us to where
timetwigs can not
ensnarl our wings.
Just do not leave us here
in the luxury of twilight,
we are lovers of simplicity.
Bobbie Kilzer Gogain
|
|
|
08-16-2005, 02:07 PM
|
#2
|
|
WF Supporter!
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Vancouver - Canada
Posts: 8,904
|
I almost read earwigs into timetwigs - maybe it was the ensnarl in the next line that took me off base. I cared enough to tell you this too. I loved smelling white plum blossoms with sneezes .. this is just one of those poems where I'm charmed on all levels.
|
|
|
08-16-2005, 03:36 PM
|
#3
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 197
|
Thanks Pen
Thank you so much for you kind comments, coming from a writer such as you it means alot to me.
Bobbie
|
|
|
08-16-2005, 03:48 PM
|
#4
|
|
Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
|
I am with Pen on this one. Absolutely charming poem. Look forward to reading more of you.
Nae ;0)
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
|
|
|
08-16-2005, 03:55 PM
|
#5
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 197
|
Renae, thank you very much. I plan on sticking around awhile, this is a great site. I am so glad you two liked my poem.
Bobbie
|
|
|
08-17-2005, 02:17 PM
|
#6
|
|
|
unanimous... is that how you spell that??? unanimous...
anyway, you get the point.
i liked this very much... how did i miss it before?
vodka
|
|
|
|
08-17-2005, 02:59 PM
|
#7
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,607
|
deliciously descriptive, I can smell the plum blossoms. Good job.
__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke
|
|
|
08-17-2005, 05:24 PM
|
#8
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 197
|
Thank you Vodka and Psy....now I am turning cartwheels!
Bobbie
|
|
|
08-18-2005, 04:29 AM
|
#9
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: philippines
Gender: Male
Posts: 248
|
bobbie
hi. what's charming in this poem (as pointed out by others too) are the sneezing part, and the somewhat Oriental feel it could leave a reader like me. I also like the smell of plum blossoms, as a child we used to have this soap with that kind of scent. Is this one about feeling both guilt and pleasure at the same time? I love that kind of topic as much as I love anything bittersweet. And hey, isn't sneezing some kind of pleasure too? 
__________________
Reality and love are always contradictory for me! ~Before Sunset
|
|
|
08-18-2005, 07:16 AM
|
#10
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 197
|
Pete,
Your too kind. Thank you. I love the Oriental feel of poems too, I just can not seem to master them.
I am too dang wordy!
Bobbie
|
|
|
08-18-2005, 07:58 AM
|
#11
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: san francisco, ca.
Gender: Male
Posts: 485
|
dear bobbiego,
"let white plum blossoms
fill our nostrils
one more time."
perhaps having the scent of the plum blossoms filling our nostrils would be a little more comfortable...but, hey, that's just me.
seriously interesting poem.
i look forward to seeing more of your postings.
john. john doe.
|
|
|
08-18-2005, 08:02 AM
|
#12
|
|
Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 197
|
JohnJohnDoe
I guess I really don't want petals up my nose...
thanks for the "got ya"
Bobbie
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:35 PM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us:
|
|