Pardot Kynes

Up with the dawn,
Ready to run,
Graceful as wind,
Lovely as sin.

Up with the dawn,
To answer Diana's call,
To chase the beasts,
Through rain, and snow, and fog.

Up with the dawn,
To race with the wind after fleeting glimpses of quarry,
To march home in triumph and glory.

Up with the dawn,
To answer the call,
To bring home a stag for the table.

Leaving the home,
Just after dawn,
You grab the weapon of choice.

You tempt Zeus' ire,
By using Promethean Fire.
With words you will race,
Out on the chase,
To answer Diana's call.

__________________
http://www.theodore-roosevelt.com/trsorbonnespeech.html
http://www.rjgeib.com/thoughts/451/451.html

"Quit trying to be as nasty as I am- you don't have my years of practice"- Jubal Harshaw

Psycho6058

Interesting and fun to read. (check spelling "weapon" not "weopon"

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All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

ms. vodka

ahhh lovely as sin... that's nice.

the only problem i have with this is that stanza one seems to set a rythm and rhyme scheme for the poem to follow, stanza two seems to loosely adhere to that... and from there on... it takes on a completely different feel.

in stanza two, especially, the rythm is akward. if you don't already, i suggest you read it aloud to yourself... even in a whisper... to see how it feels coming out of your own mouth.

this, however, has an extreme amount of potential.

vodka

Pardot Kynes

Thanks for the input. I will work on making it better Ms. Vodka.

AdamBaldwin

I cannot claim authority on poetic technique/syntax, because I simply do not write much poetry, but I must comment on this as an expression, and its theme:

The entire poem is beautiful, and your accuracy and context of Greek religion is superb, but this last stanza really made an impact.
I found its flow to be organic and captivating. The only thing is that I would word line 4 "Out on the chase" differently with more colorful language, but this is by no means something I would say makes an impact on the poem's aesthetic quality.

Great work!

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[deus ex machina]

Pardot Kynes

Up with the dawn,
Ready to run,
Graceful as wind,
Lovely as sin.

Up with the dawn,
To answer the call,
The call of Diana, master of beasts.

Up with the dawn,
To chase the beasts,
Dodging trees, swatting leafs,
through rain, and snow, and fog.

Up with the dawn,
To race with the wind,
To charge after fleeting glimpses of quarry,
and to march home in triumph and glory.

Up with the dawn,
To answer the call,
To bring home a stag for the table.

Leaving the home,
Just after dawn,
You grab your weapon of choice.

You tempt Zeus' ire,
By use of Promethean Fire.
With words you will race,
Out on the chase,
To answer Diana's call.



Better Ms. Vodka?

__________________
http://www.theodore-roosevelt.com/trsorbonnespeech.html
http://www.rjgeib.com/thoughts/451/451.html

"Quit trying to be as nasty as I am- you don't have my years of practice"- Jubal Harshaw