Puppeteer

i havent been on in a while.... well partially because this site is a killer to load for some reason and i havent really written very much either

Life beyond life, what will lie beyond death?
What destiny hides beyond what we know?
What happens after we take our last breath?
Where would our spirits, our souls ever go?
Will we forever be bound to this earth?
Are we reborn to new life and new love?
Does the death of a man lead to rebirth?
Or will we live on, forever, above
Is it our choice to return, stay, or leave?
Are the good rewarded with this new life?
Will it depend on the world we helped weave
What will happen when we’re hit with that scythe
Men have gone crazy pondering this thought
immortality is what they had sought.

im not too sure about the last two lines tho
i dont think they flow with the rest of this sonnet
i was just really tired and wanted to get to bed
so i just wrtoe what came into my head

__________________
a writers soul will never die
it will live forever through his words

103_smalls

Great poem, Nick, I especially enjoyed the first line... dunno why, it just was good... I think that the last two lines fit... good job, get on here more often you dirty man!

__________________
GOD HELP ME!

IT'S THE SOUND THAT MAKES ME PUNCH INFANTS! (but not ms. vodka's)

Puppeteer

y thank you smalls you kno how much i value your opinion. i will try to get on more..... btu im gonna have to write alot more to do that.

__________________
a writers soul will never die
it will live forever through his words

stephanie

I liked it also. I thought it was really going somewhere... maybe you could add more? Just a thought. However, it is good as is. Hey, we are both from Michigan.

-Stephanie

__________________
The Pride is in The Pain that leads to The Strength

103_smalls

make a goal for yourself... like x amount of poems every *blank*

__________________
GOD HELP ME!

IT'S THE SOUND THAT MAKES ME PUNCH INFANTS! (but not ms. vodka's)

Puppeteer

thanks steph lol yeah i could right another one because a shakespearean sonnet has 14 lines going in ababcdcdefefgg format so it wouldnt qualify as a sonnet but i did like this one and i would like to right a similar one.

__________________
a writers soul will never die
it will live forever through his words

mammamaia

good work, nick!

if you're interested, for an off-the-wall hypothesis answering your questions, take a look at my poem 'on endday' [i'll post it separately, so as not to intrude on your thread]... i tackled the same subject from a slightly different perspective...

hugs, m

__________________
For 100% free writing help/mentoring:
www.saysmom.com

"You must BE the change you wish to see in the world." Gandhi

mswietek

Not bad. I think your last two lines "weave" and "scythe" don't rhyme which breaks it up (at least not how I pronounce scythe). I think your instincts are correct in your concern about your last two lines. Most of the poem is just a series of questions. Now questions can make one think, but I think the poem would end more strongly if you could think of a way to answer those questions or comment on their importance, or perhaps even their insolvability.

I think the poem would be a bit stronger if you cut a few questions to make it half the poem, and then the rest for commentary.

Thanks,

Michael

__________________
"Don't imagine that the art of poetry is any simpler than the art of music, or that you can please the expert before you have spent at least as much effort on the art of verse as an average piano teacher spends on the art of music." - Ezra Pound