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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
08-14-2005, 01:30 PM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Missouri
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
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Forcing the Muse
Each word falls bitter
from my hands
dry as dust
proclaiming lack of sleep
with every
bent and twisted
letter
__________________
If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions.
www.onlynola.com
That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh uh-huh...
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08-14-2005, 03:39 PM
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#2
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WF Supporter!
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Vancouver - Canada
Posts: 8,904
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Is this sort of a kick start poem? If so, I enjoy what you write when the motor's running too. I really liked the bent and twisted letter bit at the end. I think ending with emphasis is such a great thing. Leaves the reader with the memory. I'll be reading this again for sure.
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08-14-2005, 04:34 PM
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#3
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Best Seller
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: East London
Posts: 629
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Its a very short poem and feels like one huge but great metaphor. I don't know, it seems to be missing something. I have read over it several times and i understand a bit of what your trying to say but their isn't enough in this poem to allow me to dig deeper.
__________________
"KNIVES AND RHYMES"
"poetry or the streets."
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08-14-2005, 04:36 PM
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#4
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Profound Writer
Join Date: May 2005
Location: At my desk, with my pen
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,035
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ooooh, the sweet... ok, not-so-sweet, how 'bout SUCKY frustration of writer's block... you delivered the emotion perfectly! Good job Loren!
__________________
GOD HELP ME!
IT'S THE SOUND THAT MAKES ME PUNCH INFANTS! (but not ms. vodka's)
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08-14-2005, 05:23 PM
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#5
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Adept Writer
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 906
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A very delicate way of putting it. Most writers experiancing writers block tend to dislike and become angry with it. Once again, if this is what you are like when angry sheesh I comend you. Great job on the poem. At first I thought it was too short, but once I read it again I realized you are writing about writers block. Writers with writers block cannot write much correct, so this is a splendid length for it. I like the first, about dry as dust, and the end, bent and twisted letter. The proclaiming lack of sleep part doesn't strike home with me. Why? Because I feel, and this is from a personal perspective, that when I have writers block I'd be doing anything besides writing; sleep would be high on the list.
Tyson
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08-14-2005, 09:17 PM
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#6
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Missouri
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
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Penelope- my motor only seems to run in spurts lately... I think I need an overhaul. *laughs* Glad someone besides me likes the ending  . Thanks for giving it a read and taking time to comment.
Sparx- I'm trying to stretch out and broaden the styles I'm comfortable with. Usually my pieces are a lot longer, and I wanted to get my teeth into something different. I do appreciate your input.
Smalls- writer's block... bane of my existence. Ugh. Thanks, Smalls, for the encouraging words. *blows you a kiss  *
Tyson- the line about proclaiming lack of sleep refers to the dry and bitter words, meaning that my own lack of sleep is showing up in the quality of what I'm writing. The entire piece is less about writer's block than what happens when one tries to force writing out even when it's stopped being good material in any way, shape, or form. I'm really glad you liked it. As for me when I'm angry... no, this wasn't even CLOSE to me when I'm angry  . You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...
Thanks, one and all, for giving me the feedback.
__________________
If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions.
www.onlynola.com
That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh uh-huh...
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08-14-2005, 10:21 PM
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#7
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: san francisco, ca.
Gender: Male
Posts: 462
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dear nola,
i liked this poem. a lot.
short poems seem to be so underrated. ted kooser, the poet laureate of the united states, specializes in them.
good poem.
john. john doe.
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08-15-2005, 09:37 AM
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#8
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Missouri
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
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Thank you so much, john. The compliment means a lot to me 
__________________
If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions.
www.onlynola.com
That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh uh-huh...
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08-15-2005, 12:34 PM
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#9
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Banned
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Italy
Posts: 6,052
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I liked this, the utter frustration in such a few short lines. hating each word you write and knowing its not getting any better, and just wanting to give up, but knowing you can't.
(by the way, I'm tired, so the above may or may not make sense. my apologies if it does not)
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08-15-2005, 01:19 PM
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#10
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very nice, nola. just right.
vodka
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08-15-2005, 03:24 PM
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#11
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,607
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Wonderfully and simply stated. I love it.
__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke
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08-15-2005, 04:25 PM
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#12
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Missouri
Gender: Female
Posts: 338
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Rico- you made PERFECT sense. That's exactly what I was writing about... you totally got it . My writing absolutely sucks when I'm trying to make myself write instead of feeling myself write. Glad you stopped in to comment, and even more glad you liked it, lol.
ms. v- fanks, ms. v. I hear that a lot. Oh, wait, you meant the poem... My bad... *bats eyes*
Psycho- wow... thanks . I love the 'L' word in association with my work. *laughs* Thanks for taking the time to stop in.
__________________
If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions.
www.onlynola.com
That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh uh-huh...
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08-15-2005, 04:31 PM
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#13
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Scribe
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Halloweentown
Posts: 65
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I could relate. Great way of wording yourself.
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