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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
08-11-2005, 02:53 PM
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#1
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Best Seller
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Amityville
Posts: 536
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If
If she would have told me
That she loved me
With that half smirk
Betraying the truth of
Four separate nights
Two of talk and
One of play
And one
Of course
Of us
Endless telephone conversations
Innocent beginnings...
No
Truly
Picture
A bus stop encounter
Finding common ground
Work hometown lifestyle
The almost year long absence
Then like purple out of the blue
You
Just checking to see...
You
Young still
Though senior to me
Asking to meet
Reacquaint
...drink
You who came in the night
Attractive shaped like thunder
And oh so married you...
Then I would have closed my eyes
Inhaled you mana turned vapor
Embraced you as long lost bond
Found again when hope was gone
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08-11-2005, 03:03 PM
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#2
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Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
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Quite a read here Mr.Rashadow. I like the structure and the content. Nice having you back.
(Can you tell I mean that? I have said it twice in the last 2 minutes.)
Nae ;0)
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
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08-11-2005, 03:10 PM
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#3
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,607
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Nicely written, interesting poem.
(But Rudyard Kipling beat you to the title)
__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke
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08-11-2005, 07:16 PM
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#4
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 473
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"like purple out of the blue"
Best line I've read in a long time, man. Thanks for sharing.
__________________
him from the city,
so him gotta be witty
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08-12-2005, 10:59 AM
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#5
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man, this is so good i could eat it.
this is so nicely done, rashadow.
gorgeous, utterly.
but was the 'you' here supposed to be your?
Quote:
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Inhaled you mana turned vapor
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08-12-2005, 03:29 PM
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#6
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Best Seller
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Amityville
Posts: 536
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Thank you kindly Nae. You are after all an "I love you" poet so I take everything you say as sincere.
Psycho, I do not know you but thanks for reading me...I know RK beat me to it...the bastard...I love that poem.
Thanks Saturn, that line was the focus point of this poem. And I was particularly fond of it at it's birth.
And as always, thank you Ms. V (must we be so formal V baby?) The line is condensed from "Inhaled you like mana turned vapor" or, due to lack of syllables "Inhaled you, mana turned vapor" but as it is I still think it's one syllable too long.
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08-12-2005, 03:34 PM
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#7
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ah i see now... beautiful regardless... and intensely real...
formalities?
you know i'm not fond of formalities...
...but i wish you'd stick around a bit more...
quit lovin' me and leavin' me.
but that is your way, isn't it?  |
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08-12-2005, 03:36 PM
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#8
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Forum Hottie
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,522
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You sure have all the girls rushing over, lol. I love being the "I love you poet". You sure know the way to a girls heart. (teasing)
Nae ;0)
__________________
Years of practice only to find, practice is for amateurs. Live life without a script...
Renae L. Soler
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08-12-2005, 06:38 PM
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#9
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: australia
Posts: 4,431
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loved it also, like having a chat together, I can see your hands waving as you say 'picture this'. Great stuff.
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08-13-2005, 09:56 AM
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#10
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 197
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rashadow
Four nights, a wonderful poem, It was worth it, this read a smoothly as melted butter on toast.
Bobbie
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08-14-2005, 04:45 AM
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#11
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Scribe
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 72
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liked it like everyone else, this part in particular really stood out/impressed me...
Picture
A bus stop encounter
Finding common ground
Work hometown lifestyle
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