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Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Poetry
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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 08-11-2005, 05:26 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: East London
Posts: 630
Sparx
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Uninspired

Uninspired

If death tried to
rape me
I would throw away
my clothes
so he could consume me
I am a bird whose wings
Have been tied and eyes
Blinded
I’ am a beautiful bird yet
I cannot fly into my imagination
my poem tells me my stanzas
are gold
yet my poem knows Mr. liar is
holding his hand
I’m like a lost painter
who has nothing
to paint
So death be my savior and kiss
my body with your killer lips
I’ am lost in the realms of life
without inspiration
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"KNIVES AND RHYMES"

"poetry or the streets."
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Old 08-11-2005, 06:46 AM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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Posts: 398
Jaguar
Good job! One suggestion though, you should divide it up into stanzas so it can be more clear.
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Old 08-11-2005, 12:47 PM   #3
ms. vodka
 
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nice imagery.

disagree about stanzas, i think it's quite clear the way it is...

but you are the writer, not i.

vodka
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