Clouds. - Writers Forum

Jehuty · 08-06-2005, 04:40 PM

As they slowly float across the sky
Every now and then I say goodbye
Farewell to one of many
One of many that randomly cry

They're not just there to feed the nature
Thousands protect me of what is beyond
Concealing our cursed little planet
Waiting til that's what's hidden will respond

Reveilers of light and bringers of darkness
Moving across earth's surface
At the end of it's life solar flares will reach through
Warmth and happiness will pursue

Representing many shapes
Just like the life of a human
Safe feelings walking underneath them
Maybe it's just the entrance to heaven

~Jehuty.

Cold Twilight · 08-09-2005, 12:07 AM

Loooooooooove this poem. I really like the imagery and metaphor. Definitely a five star....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jehuty

As they slowly float across the sky
Every now and then I say goodbye
Farewell to one of many
One of many that randomly cry

They're not just there to feed the nature
Thousands protect me of what is beyond

um, bit confusing, of or from?
Concealing our cursed little planet
Waiting til that's what's hidden will respond

and that's what's?

Reveilers of light and bringers of darkness (and is this revilers?)
Moving across earth's surface
At the end of it's life solar flares will reach through
Warmth and happiness will pursue

Representing many shapes
Just like the life of a human
Safe feelings walking underneath them
Maybe it's just the entrance to heaven

~Jehuty.

Jehuty · 08-15-2005, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cold Twilight

Loooooooooove this poem. I really like the imagery and metaphor. Definitely a five star....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jehuty

As they slowly float across the sky
Every now and then I say goodbye
Farewell to one of many
One of many that randomly cry

They're not just there to feed the nature
Thousands protect me of what is beyond

um, bit confusing, of or from?
Concealing our cursed little planet
Waiting til that's what's hidden will respond

and that's what's?

Reveilers of light and bringers of darkness (and is this revilers?)
Moving across earth's surface
At the end of it's life solar flares will reach through
Warmth and happiness will pursue

Representing many shapes
Just like the life of a human
Safe feelings walking underneath them
Maybe it's just the entrance to heaven

~Jehuty.

Well, by "what's beyond", I mean the unknown...something that's lurking, in space. Something we don't know what it is yet...or known as aliens or UFOs, etc.

Sparx · 08-15-2005, 10:11 AM

Brilliant poem. I don't think i have ever looked at clouds the way you have. You written very nice imagery in the piece, i feel as though i can picture these clouds.

"As they slowly float across the sky
Every now and then I say goodbye"

This isn't really much of a problem but for the frist line, remove "as". I don't really think you need it and that line would sound better without it.

"Reveilers of light and bringers of darkness"

I think you made a typo in this line. It should be "revealers" not reveilers.

Apart from that, brilliant poem. Can't wait to read more of your work.

Jehuty · 08-15-2005, 10:34 AM

Oh, that's right. Thanks a lot for pointing that out. And ehm...I should really write more...I don't do it too much. That poem was written quite a few weeks ago...which was my last poem I think...no...I wrote another poem ,but that ones kind of personal. But maybe I'll write a bit more tonight. And yeah, I love clouds! Lol, I really like to look at clouds...beautiful shapes.

Thanks a lot for the comments! I hope I can get more replies.

Psycho6058 · 08-15-2005, 01:38 PM

Years ago when I was in high school I joined the "speechmasters" club. each week when we'd meet we'd each have to draw a subject out of a bowl to give an impromptu 15 minute speech on. I drew "clouds" one time. Boy could I have used this poem. I didn't know what to talk about for 15 minutes. LOL

Jehuty · 08-15-2005, 02:16 PM

LOL thats really nasty...oh well...