tomcat

Trying some new things, a little more simplistic, with room for interpretation. Let me know what you think

Remember…

By the eyes of my sorrow
Cheer the laughter of clowns
To the stain of my blood
That keeps me all down

To the house in the meadow
Let me run to the hill
Take your bow at the curtain
Leave my heart beating still

We can skip through the garden
Past the old cotton mill
Jump the fence of the graveyard
Where bones rattle still

My bones rattle still…

Don’t teach me to dance
Turning frowns upside down
Don’t lay me to sleep
A day older I’m found and bound…

I’m bound…

To a past that now haunts
What to miss, didn’t see
Learned to laugh but for nothing
To sleep in me endlessly.

C. Thomas 2005

Mithose

I liked it,

Having said that I one suggestion
Found and bound and then bound again looses it's appeal to me, since it sounds more sing songy than chilling and powerful

I personally would change it to
"A day older I’m found...

I'm bound...."

My personal favorite was...
very vivid and precise - that's an awesome stanza, in a quite well written poem!

__________________
Here lies one whos name was writ in water

somethingsimple

I loved reading this because this was fun to read. I love how you use your choice of words in how the poem just flows into place but there was one problem in Mithose took care of that. But other than that your poem is ready for publication.

__________________
http://home.bellsouth.net/p/PWP-writingforlove
http://www.lulu.com/michelleobie

Dreams are who you are in what you are so if you're thinking about giving up then don't because there's always someone there to keep you going.