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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 08-05-2005, 04:49 PM   #1
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Sparx
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The Shopkeeper

The Shopkeeper

Warm air hugs me tight
when I walk into the shop
the shopkeeper looks at me and smiles
I giggle silently under my breath
his smile
covers his whole face
like a mask

I walk around the shop
nose overwhelmed by
the smells that swim in the air
yet I feel someone’s eyes
grab me and pull me close
my skin shivers as these eyes
tread on my body
searching my clothes and skin
raping the privacy they once had

I turn around and gaze at
the shopkeeper
he looks at me plainly
still wearing that huge smile
that covers
his whole face
like a mask
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Old 08-05-2005, 10:26 PM   #2
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Penelope is an unknown quantity at this point
yeah - I know those smiles - this is simply written and reasonably well done - it's missing a bit of texture - like what sort of shop - it reads like you are coming out of the cold - is that right?
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