The Two Sisters - Writers Forum

Psycho6058 · 08-05-2005, 04:33 PM

The two sisters had lived beside each other for a long time.
They loved the majestic view of the New York skyline.
Their needs were simple.
They just wanted to be of some use to the neighborhood
They both worked hard every day for many years.
They never bothered a soul nor hurt a fly.
They were very well known around here
Everybody loved the two sisters
Unlike many residents they never complained
You could almost say they were a “model” for New York
Regardless of the weather, they kept their heads high
And did their jobs everyday.
I never heard anyone say a single bad word about them.
Now murder is not unheard of in New York.
But when the two sisters were murdered
Many others died with them.
On that morning of September 11th.

lisajane · 08-06-2005, 05:13 AM

I think this was a bit plain. I was like 'yeah, yeah, these two sisters, nothing out of the ordinary' and waiting for something big in the end to make me go 'WHOA!'

While I understand the sensitivity and sadness behind 9/11, I don't think it honestly does anything for this poem. I think you need bigger to finish this poem, to really bring about a smashing ending. Like I said, it reads plain. I'd say make the sisters more dull and invisible, make the death far more dramatic.

Mithose · 08-06-2005, 05:40 AM

I'm not quite sure what your opinion of 9/11 is here Psyco,

Many parts of this poem sound intentionally boring.
"Their needs were simple. "
"they never complained "
"never bothered a soul "

And the second last line especially,
"Many others died with them."

This poem, to me, is about the insignificance of 9/11, and I think the lack of a dramatic ending may have been the point.

(boy oh boy my face would be red if I was wrong here)

Psycho6058 · 08-06-2005, 06:53 AM

Actually, you were both wrong, I was using the "two sisters" as an analogy for the "twin towers"
it was they that were murdered in New York. I guess it's back to the drawing board, apparantly it didn't get across as I had hoped.

mammamaia · 08-06-2005, 08:44 AM

guess not... i didn't get the tower connection, either... and it doesn't read like a poem to me, sorry to say... more like flash fiction or something...