Sparx

Jealousy’s friend

Her eyes burn with interest
every time they fall on his face
she laughs with such joy
when his jokes touch her heart
anger climbs up my body
with hot legs and
makes my stomach growl
like a sickened dog

She tells me her love
is mine to devour
only I can taste her body
and her affection
yet when I see her hug him,
face gleaming like a firefly at night
my eyes lash out at her
with a sword ready to fight

We have a row over her “friend”
chucking arguments at each other
like we where throwing water balloons
she tells me “I’m being stupid”
her words slap my face
my cheeks go red and my
black skin suddenly decides
to take a vacation

I march away from her angrily
like a solider forced to retreat
my thoughts chattering about the boy
that makes her face bright
with happiness
suddenly, it hits me like a
bullet to man’s head
jealousy is holding my hand

and I haven’t let go

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"KNIVES AND RHYMES"

Penelope

Wonderful read. The last line is .. well .. it can't be improved upon. I have a bit of a problem with each line being capitalized because I find that it compromises the flow - but that's just me.

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bLuE_MoOn

I like this poem but i have a few gripes with it

This line doesnt read right i dont think
Yet when I see her hug him, face
Gleaming like a firefly at night

Perhaps it should say
Yet when i see her hug him,
Face gleeming like a firefly at night

Also why is cheeks capitalised ? is this on purpose or is it a typo.
My Cheeks go red and my

I think you might need to put a few commas in ..i have to agree with penelope the capitalisation makes it kinda hard to read some bits.

But overall i really did like this ..the end particularly i think is fantastic.

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Sparx

Thanks for the feedback. I have made a few edits due to your suggestions. I hope its much easier to read now. Again, thanks for replying.

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"KNIVES AND RHYMES"

Mithose

Oh I think we've all been here... good handle on the feeling,

my favorites were:

I don't know if this was intentional, but each time I read the piece I really notice the "owe" sound in Growl and Devour, and that light rhyme is probably the part I most enjoyed.

Just to make a few suggestions, I really didn't much care for
"I march away from her angrily "
and the 'where' in "like we where throwing water balloons " should be were I think... I'm not captain grammar myself though - so I could be wrong ^_^

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