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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 08-01-2005, 02:48 AM   #1
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Seventies Suicide

Buy the guitar,
buy the apartment,
find a job as a waiterss
and work til 3am.
Find yourself a lover
who'll keep fucking their exes -
you'll be on your way
to your seventies suicide.

Go to parties
in flats like your own.
Your lover is there
with the young, teenaged schoolgirl.
Then they offer powder,
saying you'll be a star -
you'll be on your way
to your seventies suicide.

Examine your milk
in the back of your limousine.
Reality becomes distortion
as you play to screaming mouths.
In your hotel room,
chop what's made you up finely -
you'll be on your way
to your seventies suicide.

Once your sales have fallen,
once your memory's trashed,
once your manager's admitted
that you have smashed,
you return home
to find a thousand others dying.
For the parties have gone,
with the guest of honour now Satan.
Just you and a guitar,
and your seventies suicide.
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Old 08-01-2005, 02:52 AM   #2
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that's very interesting... hmmm... it's given me a lot to think about... thank you!
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Old 08-01-2005, 12:24 PM   #3
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nicely written, lisajane.

your work never fails to intrigue me.

i'm impressed.

vodka
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Old 08-01-2005, 05:57 PM   #4
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Psycho6058
Have you worked out the music to this yet?
You need to, if not, it would be a great song.
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Old 08-01-2005, 08:40 PM   #5
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dear lisajane,

this is an extraordinarily good poem.

j.jd.
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Old 08-01-2005, 08:49 PM   #6
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103_smalls
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I agree with Psycho, this poem refused to just read itself to me... it insisted upon singing. Great job!
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Old 08-01-2005, 08:54 PM   #7
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Thanks guys . Glad you all liked it.

I've never written lyrics before, so I wasn't sure how similar this was to lyrics... but as I was writing it I had a little tune going in my head for it.

Except I can't sing or work out music to it...
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Old 08-02-2005, 02:02 AM   #8
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Hand
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I can.
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Old 08-02-2005, 06:13 AM   #9
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Mithose
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Quote:
Your lover is there
with the young, teenaged schoolgirl.
I very much liked it all lisajane, but those two lines were really slap in the face good.

*more praise*

"Find yourself a lover
who'll keep fucking their exes - "

The short specific lines work wonders here. I kind of lost the clean cut emotion the first two stanzas had by the end, but still – I have nothing but nice things to say.
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