Breaking away from tradition. - Writers Forum

k3ng · 07-30-2005, 10:58 AM

Taken and edited from Shakespeare. Mr William, I hope you do not mind.

Double, double, toil and trouble,
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Hope it doesnt spoil my marble -
reduce it to a pile of rubble.

Round about the cauldron go,
for what? I don't bloody know.
But Mr Shakespeare has said so,
so round we go, to and fro!

Into the cauldron throw some stuff,
tiny portions are enough.
This cauldron business is quite rough,
making nostrils sniff and snuff.

Double, double, toil and trouble,
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Hope it doesnt spoil my marble -
reduce it to a pile of rubble.

Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake,
And Oh! for goodness' goodness sake,
this is not a cauldron cake.

Revolting stuff we put in there,
ranging from things black to fair,
Maybe even someone's hair
But what comes out? I couldn't care.

Double, double, toil and trouble,
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Hope it doesnt spoil my marble -
reduce it to a pile of rubble.

Scale of dragon, tooth of .... EWW!!
This is such disgusting stew!
Filled with liver of a Jew,
Blasphemous?? I never knew.

Are we done, William sir?
This draught is too thick to stir,
I think my vision's going blur,
must have been the tiger's fur.

Double trouble, 'Bah I say!'
My marble floor is burnt away!
Screw these witches, screw the play,
It ends with Macbeth turning gay!!

AHHHH!!!

Dear diary,
I couldn't sleep tonight,
Shakespeare just gave me a fright,
his hands and face were totally white,
and in his hand, a pen to write,
and he started writing in delight
"I'LL HAUNT YOU TILL YOU DO IT RIGHT!"

**Penelope** · 07-30-2005, 11:26 AM

ah .. that's what you meant by spoiling your marble - had me in a state until I neared the end. Very good poem! Lots of fun to read.

[an:df91dbbc68]I am an unsheared Tiger.[/an:df91dbbc68]

Burnz · 07-30-2005, 01:12 PM

That poem was very fun to read. I enjoyed it.

Note to self: Be wary of the bald tigers

huni · 07-30-2005, 08:35 PM

Oh! What fun! Got to:

for what? I don't bloody know.
But Mr Shakespeare has said so,
so round we go, to and fro!

started to laugh and couldn't stop till the end. Still smiling. Currently a student of the bard are we? (Are we done, William sir? This draught is too thick to stir,) If so - this is a lovely look at the angst of studying something in depth that you might otherwise have enjoyed at your leisure.

warm regards, huni

k3ng · 07-31-2005, 03:10 AM

Thanks for the read and comments guys. I had good fun doing this piece.

Pen - I thought the marble part might be a little vague at first, thats why I included it in second last stanza. And the tiger avatar seems alot scarier now.

Burnz - glad you enjoyed it.

Huni - I started this piece with a bunch of students doing a play in mind. I remembered I have a lot of friends who didn't quite like shakespeare plays, and this is the result of those two ideas joined.

Thanks for the read guys!

mammamaia · 07-31-2005, 09:11 AM

it's a fun thing to read... lots of wit floating around in your caulron...

but i'm curious as to why you abandoned the nifty aaaa rhyme with 'marble' [aaba] and 'blur/fur' [aabb]...

k3ng · 08-01-2005, 03:23 AM

Thanks maia. Well, I was actually trying to do a AAAA rhyme style, and this is the closest I could get. I kept saying the words in my head so that they would sound right.

usernamelessness · 08-01-2005, 08:58 AM

Great stuff, great stuff...a good read most definitely. Though, I have heard of AAAA or whatever I have absolutely no idea what they mean. Dont mind the noob(MOI). Though the last line's mood and presentation deviates highly from the speech of the above. i loved it. Though, I must admit the marble thing had me going on for quite a bit too. Keep it up.

k3ng · 08-01-2005, 09:32 AM

Thanks CoolName! Appreciate it!

And the last stanza was done in that manner to show that the persona there isn't in the play anymore, and more of a diary entry. Thanks again.

mammamaia · 08-01-2005, 10:09 AM

try this, k:

Double, double, toil and trouble,
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Hope no spills I cannot scrub'll
reduce my floor to useless rubble.

and:

Are we done, honored William sir?
This draught is way too thick to stir,
and my eyesight's gotten blearier...
must have been that pinch of myrrh!

insert [etc.]...
rhyme schemes are coded that way, by how the lines end... if all four lines in a quatrain end in the same sound, it's aaaa... if the first 2 lines ryhme with each other and then the next two have a different matching sound, it would be aabb... and so on...

you can email me and i'll send you some basic info on poetry structure...

love and hugs to all, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com

k3ng · 08-01-2005, 09:24 PM

Gee thanks maia!

However, I think I find the 'Are we done, honored William sir?' line slightly too long.

And wouldn't stir/fur/blur be considered rhyming? They sound quite the same to me..

mammamaia · 08-02-2005, 09:13 AM

re the william line, the suggestion is 8 syllables, as are the 'double, double, toil and trouble' ones...

and the stir/fur/blur rhymes aren't really a match, though close... i've a super-sensitive ear, so tend to be nit-picky about rhyme vs near-rhyme... so, stir/whirr/sir and fur/cur/blur don't have the same sound to me...

but, it's your work, so your decision is what counts...