Hi, paperdoll. You have some strong emotions and nicely put images. I like that you put such effort into rhyming this, since it seems to be a very personal piece. Well done.
Some checking of Capitals on 'I' and adding needed apostrophes, getting the lines to match in rhythm, also cutting some of the unnecessary words would quickly turn this into a seriously good poem. Something like this if you don't mind me having a go.
My dreams torn and ripped from me
like clothes being stripped from me.
You won’t win, not now - not ever
The dreams of mine they’ll never sever
And if you try to take them away
I’ll begin to hate you more each day
But truth be told I already do
Still my dreams have pulled me through
You don't know who I really am,
nor even seem to give a damn
You don't see joy through my tears
Or all my hopes through my fears
And for all the pain you have caused me
I've locked my dreams and stored the key
These pained eyes and this bruised heart
Never Leave - Never Depart
Though haunted by your hateful face
my dreams carry me to a beautiful place
Its here I’m free from hate and pain,
my dreams will shine through sun and rain.
The last two lines maybe a little cliché but as they may have a strong emotional connection for you, they stay. Plus it's your work and I wouldn't want to change it too much. I liked the way you have a sense of internal rhythm and rhyming:
Though haunted by your hateful face
my dreams carry me to a beautiful place (the use of hateful and beautiful, such opposites yet visually similar is good here.)
My dreams torn and ripped from me
like clothes being stripped from me. (and here with ripped and stripped - again good)
And for all the pain you have caused me
I've locked my dreams and stored the key ( When looking for a word to put here, it was easy to follow what you had done so well already and add 'stored' because it sounded well with 'caused'.)
Hope this is helpful and look forward to seeing more of your poems paperdoll. warm regards huni.
