LoneWolf

Something I've been working on...not quite finished yet...


Like walking through silk
This flawless white sand
morphing to my every step
Be careful, silent
Bring no attention to myself,
As silent as the proudest lioness

Listen to our Mother's music
The sea gently kissing
the land on which it lies
Rarely is Poseidon
this sweet and kind,
Perhaps he is vaguely aware
of my girlish intentions

Slip off my thin, sheer slip
And watch as it falls
into a metallic puddle about my feet
Then one step, two, three,
Glide smoothly into the water,
The Moon's wide-faced mirror

Small splashes rise up--tumble down,
The drops that hold
The diamonique reflection
of the Moon's pure, sweet light,
So that it may join it's Mother once more

Let the sea wash over me
Gently kiss my shoulders,
Free me from impurities
This silent night alone
When the highest beauty
becomes a part of me, at last.

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My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way. --Ernest Hemingway

Penelope

Most of the time poems about the sea grab me. This didn't and I'm left wondering why. Perhaps it's the gentleness with no corresponding drama? Is there a reference to death in this poem? Surrender to the sea? I've read it several times and I really want to like it .. darn!

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"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." Ronald Reagan ~ 1981

Poetry Editor @ Sacred Twilight

Psycho6058

beautiful piece even though I'm left wanting more.

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All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

journyman161

It’s a nicely relaxed read, with lots of visuals; perhaps something to add might be the sounds & scents?

You mention about being silent, so that might be the place to hear the sounds of the sea, & maybe wildlife sounds around etc. The sea always has a smell, a kind of electric or ozone taste to the air, bits of drying kelp, maybe dead fish etc. You could add in some of the nicer ones.

I also got the feeling about halfway through that this might be a suicide in the making.

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*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
*Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
*Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas
*He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know - Abraham Lincoln

huni

Lonewolf. I love "the moons wide faced mirror". What a true image. If Mark is right and this is about suicide then maybe that is why it reminds me of my sea poem. warm regards huni.

A link to mine. http://www.writingforums.com/viewtop...ghlight=#56328

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each time we see the face ...it is our own ideas of him which we recognize. Proust

LoneWolf

Okee dokee...to clear up the suicide thing...well, I was aiming to go that way, but then I thought it would be over-played and not very original, so I just decided to make her swim in the ocean...? I dunno, I guess I was afraid people would be like, suicide again? siiiiiiiiiiiigh...anways---

Pen, you crack me up It's okay that you don't like it. I think it's funny...don't force ip upon yourself. But yeah, it's about surrender. A little bit of the suicide thing with a twist, I suppose.

Thank you for reading, Psycho. I may add some more now, actually...

Special thanks to j-man. Great suggestions that I'll def. keep in mind when I re-write this. I never thought about scents...I thought it was getting too long, so I was afraid to add anymore. Guess I was wrong! Also, thanks for taking the time

huni, thank you for reading and I'm glad you liked my little phrase. It just came to mind and immediately I loved it. I'll go check out your poem asap, sounds cool already!

Thanks everybody!!!--LW

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My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way. --Ernest Hemingway

johnjohndoe

dear lonewolf,

it's sunday morning and i'm just doing a little reading. i can upon your poem and wanted to tell you how much i enjoyed it.

i like ocean themes, so perhaps that is what has really drawn me to this one.

sincerely,

john. john doe.

LoneWolf

Thanks for reading, johnjohndoe. I'm glad you liked it. I may have to start writing more poems about the ocean because everyone takes so well to them!

LW

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My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way. --Ernest Hemingway