Ben

Ball lands out
racquet on the floor
Another fault?

mammamaia

sorry, i don't get it... and 'racquet' needs a 'c'...

puzzled hugs, maia

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tj

its short, to the point, and shows how tennis player dont have much time for writting. i like it.

tj x

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white~water

if the ball lands out then it is a fault -but guess you are talking about the serve?

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Ben

It kind of came to me last night when I was playing. And yes I was talking about the serve

dannyboy

not everything that comes to you needs to become a poem

not everything written needs to be posted

self editing is a worthwhile process.

This is not meant to be harsh, just a comment on the need to self-edit without it we are done as artists and become nothing more than soft core obtuse jingle writers

well that's what i think anyway.

Ben

Thanks danny. I didn't take it harshly, and I agree with you on those points... except for the first one.

not everything that comes to me IS made into a poem, i've only written about four.

So now I'll try to self-edit, and not post everything I write. I'll start posting again when I'm better at it.

journyman161

I thought it quite cute at 1st read; 2nd gave a better view. For me the fault points at the spoiled-brat player, smacking his racquet into the floor, as well as the failure of a server.

For so few words it's got a number of thought/images behind it & if this is an example of your spontaneous, unedited compulsive posting, I'm happy to read more.

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huni

Me too, Besh. I actually liked this. As a Haiku it made a point to me. I saw the first fault - then the temper - then the second 'fault' - throwing down his racquet in anger. It could also be showing the players frustration of being given a fault that he/she may not agree with. (Can you tell Wimbledon has graced my telly lately) You have the moment and the possible levels of meaning without telling the reader what to think about it. Haiku!

Since that is what Haiku is supposed to do, I think you are doing well. warm regards huni.

Mark, I wish I had commented last night when I read this, then you wouldn't have stolen my thunder. Anyway I reiterated. h.

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journyman161

I used my tele-persuasion super-power to prevent you; us supermen have to work to maintain our invincibility! \/ \/ \/

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*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
*Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
*Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas
*He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know - Abraham Lincoln

Ben

Thanks journyman and huni. I didn't realise that it had more than one level .

Basically all it was that last night my serves weren't really all that great. It frustrated me.. so for some reason I decided to write about it.

And for the record - I didn't throw my racquet

Thanks again - Besh

dannyboy

this is haiku! Then haiku is a very weak form of poetry.

hat on stand
scarf gone
cold head?

bed rumpled
you smile
I'll make the tea.

grass dead
cows moo
shed empty.

Sorry huni but I think haiku is far more than just a picture painted with three very short lines

but that isn't what I meant - my comment was about the line 'It came to me when I was playing' there was something so dismissive of that, so 'well this doesn't mean anything but I just put in here anyway', - but maybe I was just in a bad mood.

Anyway post away Besh.

Ben

Danny, the actual haiku didn't come to me while I was playing. The idea was what came to me. I thought of a line while changing ends of the court, but it wasn't very good. So when I came home I wrote the haiku with the idea that came to me.

I do understand what you mean about just painting a picture with three lines. There's something more to it than that, but I just haven't got it yet. I've just started doing this and it might take me a while to achieve the 'aha!' moment. Maybe I never will.

--Besh

huni

Danny:

Bed rumpled
you smile
I'll make the tea

That is a wonderful Haiku. You have more Zen in you than you may realise . And the syllables don't disqualify this either. Try to get an editor to look at your Haiku. If it has 5-7-5 it will be lucky to get a look see. huni.

Danny bad mood warning.

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dannyboy

I have a lot of Tao in my rather than Zen

Actually when i wrtote the bed one I thought 'damn that ain't bad!'

That's fine Besh like i said maybe it was my mood - but I hate the idea of people not editing and so took this as a chance to have my say