American Football---haiku - Writers Forum

LoneWolf · 06-22-2005, 12:54 AM

Intense and so real
This strange ballet captivates
The great sport: Football.

journyman161 · 06-22-2005, 12:59 AM

Aye, & it's a great imitation of the real thing you do over there! When your boys learn to kick, to take a mark 6 ft off the ground (that's where the knees are, 6ft, the ball is actually marked up around the 10 or 11 ft off the ground level) & remove some of their padding, then you'll know you have a great sport, but you may have to call it something other than Aussie Rules Football!

LoneWolf · 06-22-2005, 01:03 AM

lol I saw this coming a million yards away! Maybe Aussie rules Football...I'd have to see it firsthand

journyman161 · 06-22-2005, 01:04 AM

Oh, forgot... nice haiku. Although the usual is for the 3rd line to refer back to the 1st, us gaigin have been getting away with a more freeform version.

Also, (& this is definitely my own PoV) I try not to use little words like 'the' & 'and' in haiku because it's so constrained already. I find I get more meaning into short space if I rework to remove the 'filler' words. (I know they aren't called that, but my schooling was too long ago for me to recall definitions for conjunctions or prepositions etc)

LoneWolf · 06-22-2005, 12:49 PM

Thank you...I didn't know that the 3rd line was supposed to go back to the 1st, so I'll definitely keep that in mind now when I make a haiku. As for the filler words...I'll have to work on that! It's so hard to get the right number of syllables in there and be "elegant"! Hehe...thanks again.

LW

Psycho6058 · 06-22-2005, 02:45 PM

Lone Wolf: I like it, that's an interesting (if somewhat unusual) theme for a haiku, very clever. As for Marks Re-Marks (socccer sucks) The whole fun in football is in hard hits and tackles. Sorry Mark, I just can't get into fooooootball.

journyman161 · 06-22-2005, 10:03 PM

Ah, I'd agree soccer sucks. Bunch of nancy boys who cry for mumma at the slightest knock. they've tried many times to kick of soccer (pun intended) in Oz; we just don't buy it.

I agree also about the hard hits etc; the difference with both Rugby & Aussie Rules is we have the hard hits WITHOUT all the padding.

I have seen the blood drain from american faces the 1st time they watch rugby & realise these guys have no padding at all.

Lone Wolf, ideally, a haiku should capture a moment, the 3rd line should refer to & enhance the 1st line (not be the same) & follow the syllable counts.

But mostly it seems these days, the count is emphasized, although I think one that follows the other 'rules' tends to be more likely to bring that 'AHA!' moment to the reader.

LoneWolf · 06-23-2005, 12:25 AM

Thanks for reading, Psycho! I'll have to watch rugby one day, when I get my doctorate and decide to move down to Australia to be a zoologist. That should be fun. And soccer doesn't suck (not really)...I only say that because my boyfriend wants to become a pro soccer player and I've come to like it slightly...

Thanks for the haiku-info, j-man...so wise. And you make me laugh...I sooo wish I were Australian!!

journyman161 · 06-23-2005, 12:38 AM

They put on a couple of World Cup matches in Melbourne, a city known for good attendance at sport. (eg. We have 4 million people; it's not unusual for 250,000 of them to go to footy games on the weekend; our biggest stadium holds just under 100,000, seated!)

The 1st game got about 15000 people & the soccer fed got all excited. Before the 2nd game there was a match broadcast from o/s in which Rinaldo, on the sidelines for a penalty shot, had the ball kicked into him & fell to the ground holding his face.

Unfortunately, the ball glanced off his hip; the next game got an audience of about 1000.

Soccer: a game played by gentlemen, for thugs
Rugby: a game played by thugs, for gentlemen
Aussie rules: a game played by the people, for the people (although they're trying hard to make an elite class)

Check your TV guides, there're broadcasts (or cable) of matches in a lot of countries.

dannyboy · 06-23-2005, 01:03 AM

and there is only one aussie rule team - Carlton and only one website - carltonfc.com.au and only one writer on the website - the Ghost of Optus Oval and there is only one Ghost - me!

journyman161 · 06-23-2005, 02:07 AM

Oh god, now I've got the bloody blues. Will a magpie's torture never cease? (sorry LW; aussie teams' rivalry)

Ben · 06-23-2005, 02:34 AM

Carlton and Collingwood? You're dreaming.

We're the pride of south australia, we're the mighty adelaide crows! we're courageous, stronger faster, and respected by our foes!....

nice haiku by the way LW. I agree with journey man on the 'ands' and stuff. But it was still good.

admiration of our naation and determination shows *woo woo* We're the pride of south australia, we're the mighty adelaide crows!!!

LoneWolf · 06-23-2005, 07:17 PM

Oh, look what I've gone and done!!! lol...it's alright though. It's pretty funny reading all this. Thanks for reading Besh...now don't let me interrupt, please, do continue....