Hi, Julia. It's cool to find another newbie here.
The first thing I noticed about "Silver Key" is that it has a great sense of rhythm. The biggest problems I usually have with others' poetry is jarring lines and rather childish rhymes. Your poem, however, is excellent in these regards.
"When holding
out inside yourself"
I love the juxtaposition there.
Giving significant words their own lines is also very effective.
"Never ending"
I think that, because it's given a sense of connection with the hyphen, would work better as "never-ending." "Ever lasting" a few lines later can be "everlasting."
In a few places, I questioned your use of certain punctuation marks.
For example:
"You hear
The never ending pain
;
You bring with you tonight."
IMO, because the last two lines are really one, it works better without punctuation. Also, the last one is not significant enough to follow a pause.
When watching silver fires,
When knowing
What’s in sight,
The pause after these lines should given the next two more of a punch. For that reason, I would suggest making the comma after "sight" a semi-colon.
"Who is it who is with you now;
Who holds that
Silver key."
Should the first and third lines have question marks? It looks like it to me, but I could be wrong.
Overall, I find this to be both beautiful and haunting. I don't have as much experience with critting poetry as I do with short stories, but I hope this helps.
