Desiree

The Godlikeness of Althea and Rose_________

I was just feet away from the snakes bite
when Rose said, "Better come." There's
something in her being that can sense harm.
She's born with a caul, and Aunt Althea said,
that's where the make do of all angeling begins.

My Aunt be God sure of all she knows. Like she
sees invisible stamps on who is or isn't saved.
I take Rose's gift with the whole of Rose who
ain't winged or prayerful either one. Makes me
wonder then what faith is, see on the one hand,
we got Althea, armed with parables for any cause,
polite to a chapel's best, even if cornered wrong.
Then we got Rose who ain't never spoken of come
heaven or any guiding force. Walking just as strainght
as if a sun beam showed her feet which way.

Maybe it's the same as school. You know how some
studied hard and some just knew. We all had brains,
like we all have faith. Some had an eagerness to spit
back just what the teacher said, others took and made
lectures of their own. I ain't for saying what's best.
There's a comfort that comes from pure utterances.
That's why people read out loud. Althea ain't holier than
Rose, neither is it the other way around. Both's got God.

Trouble is faith ain't really viewed like school. Class wise
we could all accept the hard worker verses natural talent.
Faith wise the hard worker seems closer to God. I wonder
why that is? Do you suppose that too many folks is involved
in the measuring? I mean in school it was the teacher who
decided who was smart. And now, we the underdogs, the
hard workers who never made the grade, are we now over
sympathizing with our own kind? " Look at him, bible pages
wore of gold. Is he not holier than most? Studying heaven so?"
Well, maybe he is and maybe he ain't. They is still only one
teacher who is going to have the final say.

dw/05

Psycho6058

very "folksy" poem. I like it (even though I had to read it a couple times to understand what some of the words meant). I'm still not sure if they were typos or part of the flavor.

__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke

hamiltonpaul75

Desiree,
This is quite a moving poem. I think mostly it stems from the authenticity of the voice. I love the line, "Look at him, bible pages wore of gold"... the authenticity and understatement of that phrase, "the measuring", is beautiful... The line of Aunt Rosa, "invisible stamps on whose saved and not saved" is brilliant too! I can just see her perfectly!
My only gut reaction against this beautifully written piece is that I don't resonate with the final line. It seems dogmatic to me, after the narrator has gotten into this beautifully subtle conflict about being second best-- that I relate to so much... and needing something to hold onto like the "bible pages wore of gold"... I see myself in that...
But, this humble image of human frailty along with the very believable voice doesn't go with the "hammer of god" conclusion. If you ended with a humble detail like "that's where the make-do of all the angelling begins", rather than the waving a ruler from the school-teacher in the sky at the reader, it would be more consistent with the beautifully rich texture of this poem.

Paul Hamilton

__________________
"It is only in so far as we are unsettled that there is any hope for us"
-- Emerson

petrel}

I loved this poem!!! The narrative voice is just...words fail. I sat here reading with my mouth just hanging open. Wow!

__________________
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

P. G. Wodehouse, Uneasy Money

ms. vodka

I think you are showing that you are one of those with the natural talent.

I liked this very much Desiree.

Excellent job staying in character and a very interesting point of view to write a poem from. Refreshing.

vodka

Desiree

Thanks Pyscho. The typos were intended. Actually the piece started with more of them, but I took some at.

Paul. Your comment made me laugh. Thanks. I like the idea of God waving a ruler at you. Just kidding. A very good suggestion you had,
I will give it some thought.

To the others who read. I appreciate your encouragement.

D

journyman161

My pastor used to say, there's those who act like christians & those who just are.

I also like the PoV this comes from, & agree the last line doesn't really carry the flavour of the rest. Although the point is valid, it might be better expressed in the same duality as the two women - that maybe there's a teacher who cares for both the hard workers & the naturals.

It reads well & kept me in the flow all the way through. Good work!

__________________
*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
*Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
*Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas
*He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know - Abraham Lincoln

hamiltonpaul75

Desiree,
I'm glad you took my remark in the way it was intended, with a light sense of humor.
I really loved this poem's abundantly rich details that are consistent with the narrative voice... It's the details that are lacking in so much of the poetry we read that has a sort of "muzac" lack of specificity.
Are you sure this poem isn't the beginning of a strong novel?
Paul

__________________
"It is only in so far as we are unsettled that there is any hope for us"
-- Emerson

Desiree

Thanks, Journeyman for responding. I value your input.

Paul, I don't think I have the attention span for a novel, but we could call this a proem. Some one else labeled it "flash fiction". A new term that I have learned here at this site.

D