_Nyx_

The corridors are on fire today, they’ve taken time to blow my soul away
I pick me up into arms, fold tightly into deathly charms
Waiting for the sun to rise, to see the ending in your eyes
Darkness has poured into me, to beg its worth and be free
Neon black blisters bright, I’ll keep this heart and hold it tight
For want of words and release, I’ll create chaos from the peace
Until the world has fallen to my feet, turned to dust in this sultry heat
That scorches from my tears, lends dissolution to their fears
From no other than this desire, the yearning for this passionate fire
I’ll take the earth to sacrifice, and make blood my final price

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I'm the best nightmare you've ever had ...

ms. vodka

much potential. i see just a couple of things...

bwah? pardon?

too cliche.

otherwise, inspired and sorta delicious.

i look forward to reading more...

vodka

kintaris

i love the poem. I had a bit of trouble with the amount of syllables in each line, because some weren't equal...but i'm not much of a poetry critic so someone else will have to explain...

sorry i can't be more helpful than that. I really did like it though and i would love to read more of your work when i have more time!

kintaris

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Procrastination
Fear In A Handful Of Dust
Between Heaven and Hell

_Nyx_

glad you liked it.

in response to vodka, I know the cliche is there, but I like cliche a lot. People tend to avoid it so much now, I take great pleasure in using it to its full potential. In a satirical way

As for the other bit 'I pick me up into arms' ... well, you know much about fragmented selves?

Edit: and i've just seen the error the 'in' shouldn't be there... *edits*

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I'm the best nightmare you've ever had ...

requiem_for_the_dead

I like this poem though i agree with Vodka and Nyx. Keep it up.
-Requiem

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The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between the lightning and the lightning bug.
Henry David Thoreau