Achilles

The lightning flashes
in paradoxal colors.

The bass of thunder,
The thunder of bass
Roll together.

Smoke rises, reflecting
a rainbow of living sounds,
as the melody, born of
Nature,
Begins to speak.

A rhythmic pounding,
A native's drum,
Disrupts the silence of
nothing in particular
with nothing in particular.

My baby screams
And I cradle its body
In my arms.
Rigid, it wills me to pull
another note from its
raspy throat.

Now belching
Now harmonically crisp.

Fueled by the energy
of the electric storm,
I slide faster, fly faster,
And conjure up a rhythm
Begging to be heard.

It screeches and
whistles, in a
Mindset of abandonment.

Then, the pulses cease,
Remaining only as
distant throbbing in my ears.
The world quivers.
The world is at peace.

__________________
The Palace Flophouse

When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.

journyman161

Except for -
My baby screams
And I cradle its body
In my arms.
- I thought this might be about orgasm. I'm probably reading it wrong. So, I guess I'm a bit confused.

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*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
*Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
*Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas
*He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know - Abraham Lincoln

petrel}

I thought the "baby" was out of place, it's a good line, but out of place here.

I think this piece calls for some editing, just to get it a bit more solid and cohesive.

You've got a lot of good stuff happening, but it's a little haphazard.

This piece almost feels like a metaphor for a out-of-control jazz band bebopping wildly.

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A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.

P. G. Wodehouse, Uneasy Money

Achilles

Okay, thanks for the advice. I'll take the baby part out of it since journeyman took it in a way that is rather different than what I intended.

But you must realize that I feel a close attatchment to my guitars; it is not unusual for me to refer to them as "baby." Maybe I need a girlfriend.

__________________
The Palace Flophouse

When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.

journyman161

Actually, no. Now that I know that, it brings it all together. Don't take it out, but maybe alter the title to 'On Stage with my Baby' or similar.

__________________
*He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
*Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
*Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas
*He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know - Abraham Lincoln

Achilles

Yeah, I'm not so great with titles. They all end up too dry. I'll try to think up something else for this one.

__________________
The Palace Flophouse

When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.

Psycho6058

I like the way you build up the momentum of the concert until the very last note and leave us with a ringing in our ears. Nice poem, and I'm glad you retitled it.

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All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke