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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
06-04-2005, 10:23 PM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: In Another Land
Posts: 199
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The invitation
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__________________
the tea gods
Last edited by European_Son : 02-12-2008 at 07:51 AM.
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06-05-2005, 02:53 AM
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#2
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Athens, al
Gender: Male
Posts: 943
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"We can be edgy friends,
I'm already comfortable blur
between reality and fiction
and ok, so I need to focus but"
Really, huh.. Wow, sneaking in the wood. This reminds me of my own cheap wine escapades. I really like this, One thing though: it ends kind of harshly.
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All I know I know because I have the fortune or misfortune of having to teach myself. -- Yehthatsme
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06-05-2005, 09:01 PM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: In Another Land
Posts: 199
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It does end rather harshly... I think I may remove the last line and expand upon that particular idea in a different (and new) poem/song/painting. And I really need to start putting a little effort into my work, reading this back to myself, it seems unfocused, a jumble of confused ideas, even sloppy in places. Thanks for the comments.
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the tea gods
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06-05-2005, 10:09 PM
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#4
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: In Another Land
Posts: 199
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It must be added that
I sliced the top of my mind off with a chemistry set,
and let the contents spray out like a colourful fountain of thought.
__________________
the tea gods
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06-06-2005, 10:53 AM
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#5
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ontari-ari-ari-o
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,267
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This is great!! I loved it. I can't quite explain it, I just really, really, loved it.
__________________
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.
P. G. Wodehouse, Uneasy Money
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06-06-2005, 12:00 PM
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#6
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,607
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Nicely done. I was particularly amused (and impressed) with your "jell-o-sea" phrase, it gives us two differant meanings not to mention an alternate spelling. Well done.
__________________
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win the world is for enough good men to do nothing...Edmund Burke
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06-06-2005, 02:20 PM
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#7
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I love your work, European Son...
...and this is no exception.
vodka
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