Her name was Diane. - Writers Forum

johnjohndoe · 06-03-2005, 06:54 PM

We met on the 5th of November
At the little park east of the dam
I told her my name was Roberta
She told me her name was Diane

We sat in the moonlight forever
I kissed her and whispered her name
She moved in in early December
And nothing was ever the same

Time drifted by like a river
And winter soon turned into spring
We planted a garden together
And that's when I gave her a ring

The ring had belonged to my father
It was battered and beaten and gold
It possessed some magical power
At least that's the story I told

I discovered Diane had a secret
She had fallen in love with a man
I told her that it made no difference
We'd still do the best that we can

She told me his name was O'Reilly
He worked on the dock by the bay
He dropped by for dinner one Sunday
And then he decided to stay

O'Reilly was warm as a puppy
And gentle as strawberry wine
His hair was the color of summer
It was only a matter of time

Diane and O'Reilly were lovers
In love as two people could be
They talked about being a family
And they never forgot about me

That autumn we moved up to Bozeman
Diane and O'Reilly and me
We all took a look at each other
And decided it's where we should be

Diane took a job as a waitress
I was singing for tips in the bar
O'Reilly was saving our money
And somehow he bought us a car

That winter the weather was wicked
The snow just continued to fall
O'Reilly was out on the highway
The news was a shock to us all

It seems that there was a disaster
There wasn't too much he could do
O'Reilly died making his living
We couldn't believe it was true

Diane went predictably crazy
The man in her life was now gone
She didn't know what she was doing
She hadn't the strength to go on

We packed up O'reilly's belongings
And we mailed them back to his mom
I started crying that evening
And admitted that something was wrong

I confessed that I had a secret
And I prayed that she'd understand
I didn't know how to explain it
But I had made love to her man

It happened the night of the full moon
I was playful and wicked and wild
O'Reilly gave into temptation
And now I would carry his child

Diane sat there smiling in silence
Reached out and patted my hand
She told me that I shouldn't worry
After all he was only a man

Robert Dylan was born in September
In the cabin we shared near the spring
8 years have passed since that morning
Somehow it all seems like a dream

We met on the 5th of November
At the little park east of the dam
I told her my name was Roberta
She told me her name was Diane.

for kate

Dramamine · 06-03-2005, 07:12 PM

HMMM....

Well done on the rhyme and meter scheme
You know how to write just the right thing

Alas your story has a nice plot
Depressing? Yes, but not by a lot

It comes full circle, the birth of Bob
O'reilly replaced? Roberta's job

No critique shall I give,
It's fine as it is.

06-03-2005, 08:15 PM

wow.

well, i'm done writing for the day.

*bangs head on desk*

journyman161 · 06-03-2005, 10:02 PM

Now THAT's poetry. I like it immensely, rhyme, rhythm and pace. It flows well & was uninterrupted reading.

I was slightly puzzled about how o'reilly died doing his job on the highway when the only mention was his work on the docks.

johnjohndoe · 06-04-2005, 06:34 AM

hello dramamine, j luis, ms. vodka & journyman161,

thanks very much for the positive coms.

have a great weekend,

john.

Psycho6058 · 06-04-2005, 07:07 AM

"She told his name was O'Reilly "
5th stanza, I think you left out "me" after told.
Other than that, as close to perfect as I have read in a while. Beautifully flowing descriptive poem. Artfully done. Thanks for sharing this.

johnjohndoe · 06-06-2005, 08:28 AM

dear p-6058,

thanks for pointing out that error...i fixed it.

and, of course, thanks for your positive-com.

have a good week,

john.